


Unveiled

by Ava_now



Series: Barisi Dads AU--The Tween Years [4]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Anxiety Attacks, Asthma Attacks, Bad Flirting, Beach Vacation, Cultural Differences, Eating Disorders, F/M, Family Secrets, First Kisses, Jealousy, M/M, Parental Alienation, Past Child Abuse, Past Spousal Abuse, Pillow Talk, Roughhousing, Secrets, Sex sounds, Sunburn, Wedding Planning, Wedding Sex, Weight Issues, afterplay, child molestation, child molestation accusations, child sexual abuse investigations, familial differences, family is so effing complicated, gettin' hitched, great dads, growing up as a girl, hot for hubby, husbands flirting badly, lying by omission, pending stepsiblings, tween girl sleepovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:15:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 35,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29100873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ava_now/pseuds/Ava_now
Summary: Lucia and Mateo are in the process of planning their wedding, but not everyone is happy with their choices.  Rafael and his soon-to-be half-sister, Camila, have very different ideas on parenting, among other things, and Marley is struggling to accept her soon to be aunt.  Additionally, Sonny is working on a case with a very attractive attorney from his past, causing Rafael to wonder about the state of his own marriage.  As the families prepare to blend into one, difficult admissions will be unveiled, leaving everyone to wonder if this wedding is really meant to be.***Trigger warning for eating disorders and child molestation.
Relationships: Isaiah Holmes/Original Male Character(s), Jesse Rollins & Marlene Barba-Carisi, Lucia Barba & Marlene Barba-Carisi, Lucia Barba/Original Male Character(s), Rafael Barba & Amanda Rollins, Rafael Barba & Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr. & Billie Rollins & Jesse Rollins, Rafael Barba & Rita Calhoun, Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Sonny Carisi & Isaiah Holmes
Series: Barisi Dads AU--The Tween Years [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2015269
Comments: 98
Kudos: 58





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and thanks for reading!
> 
> This fic is a rewrite of Unmasking, which COVID was going to be a significant storyline. This story does not reference COVID in any way. I feel it's too soon to write the fanfic that I was planning. This is a storyline I was intending to write in the future but will work appropriately now as well.
> 
> This is a work in progress, so please check the tags regularly if you have any concerns regarding trigger warnings. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always welcome! I hope you enjoy this fic!

“Oh nieta!” Lucia gasped. “You look beautiful! Maravillosa! (stunning)”

Marley admired herself in the mirror and grinned. Abby was right, the dress was really, really pretty. It was a full length, wine colored junior bridesmaid dress with spaghetti straps. It had a sweetheart neckline with beautiful gathers and a crisscross sash at the waist. Abby said it was made of chiffon, and Marlene felt very grown up in it.

“This’ll be perfect, don’t you think, Camila?” Mateo’s daughter Camila turned her attention away from her daughter and smiled at Marley. 

“It’s lovely, Lucia. Marlene, you look beautiful, honey. And it looks like they won’t have to do much hemming...maybe take it in a little at the waist, and up just an inch or so?” Tugging at the waist of the dress, Camila made a face. “Good lord, girl, you are tiny! Don’t your daddies feed you?” She shook her head and sighed. “My Isabel, she would kill to have this problem. Unfortunately, she’s just like me….she smells something with calories and gains weight!” She laughed. “Isn’t that right, honey?”

Isabel, flipping through dresses on a nearby rack, glanced at them, then nodded, looking down.

“Aren’t you like, nine or something?” Marley asked the girl, trying to figure out exactly why it was a good thing not to fit properly into a dress.

The little girl nodded again. “She’s only nine, but you’re never too young to learn how to eat properly and maintain an appropriate weight,” Camila said, and Marley watched the little girl continue to look at her feet.

“Camila!” Lucia’s voice was kind but firm. “Let’s not discuss Isobel’s weight, especially in front of her...did you find the dress you were looking for? I’d love to see it.”

“I did...but are you sure you don’t want me to get something more suitable for a bridesmaid? Just in case, you know, Marlene isn’t able to do it, for some reason?”

Camila had made it clear early on that she was not happy with the decisions Mateo and Lucia had made regarding their wedding party. Mateo’s brother Lucas was going to be the best man, and Lucia had chosen Marlene to be her maid of honor. Rafael would be giving his mother away, and Camila would be reading scripture. Camila’s twins, Isabel and her brother Rory, would be the flower girl and ring bearer. And after much discussion, they had asked Sonny if he would officiate, and he’d happily agreed. Camila, though, had immediately raised an objection, stating that she felt that both she and Rafael should have more “visible” roles in the wedding party. Mateo had quickly laid a hand on top of the hand of his betrothed, then told his daughter in no uncertain terms that at sixty-three, he would have the wedding that HE wanted, thankyouverymuch, and people were welcome to take the roles they were offered, or decline them. Camila had backpedaled immediately, saying she had misspoken and only wanted to be able to “best support” her father and his new bride. Everyone had left smiling, but Rafael and Sonny had engaged in a long, interesting conversation the whole way back home, with Marlene sitting beside them practically taking notes.

Lucia smiled beautifully yet again. “Let’s see what you’ve chosen...oh, this is lovely, Camila! And very appropriate for the role of the daughter of the groom! Your papi is taking care of the tuxes for everyone, so that just leaves Isabel...I think it would be wonderful if we got something in the same wine color that you and Marley are going to be wearing. I saw a couple of dresses with shorter skirts on the junior bridesmaid’s rack…Isabel, sweetheart, did you see anything there that you liked?”

Isabel’s face lit up. “Yes ma’am...I really like this one here.” She pulled out a pretty dress with a lace top and tank-style straps. The bottom was ball-gown style, and the back had a heart cutout. 

“Hey, that’s pretty!” Marley said, and Isabel’s shy smile appeared.

“It  _ is  _ pretty, darling, but remember what we’ve talked about, with sleeves? You need sleeves, sweetheart,” Camila said, immediately beginning to shuffle through the rack again.

“I love it,” Lucia said, gently taking the dress from Isabel. “I think this would be lovely on you, Isabel, and it should be fine with no sleeves. The rest of us won’t have sleeves, and it’ll be summer, too.” She turned to Camila. “Is there a reason she has to have sleeves? Are you worried she’ll be too cold?”

“No,” Camila answered slowly. “I just...it’s just not the most flattering look on her...her arms are a little heavy. But as you say, it’s your wedding. If you think that would be what is best, I’m fine with it.”

Marley turned to see what her grandmother would say next. Lucia was still processing, though, repeating what Camila had just said to herself. Isabel was looking at her feet again. 

“Okay then,” Lucia finally said, “let’s have somebody fit you, honey. Excuse me, miss!” Marley watched her grandmother hurry off in the direction of the sales lady who was helping them.

“Marlene,” Camila said, smiling, “why don’t you go change out of that? We wouldn't want you to get it dirty before we even get it home.”

“Sure,” Marley told her, slipping back into the dressing room. She carefully pulled the dress off over her head, then began getting dressed in her jeans and tee shirt again.

“If your grandmother were here,” Marley heard outside of the dressing room, “she would never have such a low class event. Naco (trashy)...”

Marley froze, hand midair in tying her shoe. If only Papi hadn’t forbidden her to use the word bitch…

Camila was a spoiled one, that was for sure, Marley thought, now tying her shoe quickly. All her abuelita and Mateo wanted was to be married. They didn’t have to include anyone, but they were because they were kind and nice people. If Marley could understand that, and she wasn’t even eleven, how come this puta (whore) couldn’t? Marley smiled at herself. Her random studying of spanish courtesy of Google not only impressed Papi, but gave her a variety of words to plug in when she wanted to say something colorful.

She opened the door just as Lucia and Isabel headed toward a dressing room to be fitted. Camila was sitting in a chair and smiled primly at Marlene, who shoved her hands deep in her pockets and smiled back, then stepped directly in front of the woman. “What is it, sweetie?” Camila asked. “Your abuelita is right over there, with Isabel.”

“I heard what you said,” Marlene told her.

Camila looked confused. “I’m sorry?”

“You should be,” Marlene said, not as sweetly, but just as calm, sounding just like her papi. “Fresa (stuck-up), if you ever talk like that about Abby again I’m gonna tell every adult in our family what a stuck-up snob you are and that you called my abuelita low class.” Camila looked shocked, and Marley crossed her arms. “Also, you are very mean to your little girl, and you’re supposed to love her. Do better.” Turning, she quickly walked over to Lucia and wrapped her arms around her, squeezing tightly.

“Ah, such nice hugs from such a lovely nieta!” Lucia fussed, kissing her on the cheek. “What do you think of Isabel’s dress?”

The dress was a little too tight, needing to be let out. But the look on Isabel’s face was so beautiful that Marley felt happy from her head to her toes. “It’s perfect,” she said, hugging her abuelita. “It’s perfect for her.”


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was shaking his head, half laughing, half sputtering. “Dios mio...what am I gonna do in five years if you’re like this at ten?” He held his face in his hands, then glanced at her through his fingers. Her expression had changed to one of concern, and he knew what she was thinking, that she was starting to blame herself. “You’re a good girl, mija. I know you were trying to protect your abuelita. But you can’t just say things to adults because you think they were rude...or inappropriate...or whatever.”
> 
> She sat down next to him. “I’m sorry, Papi. I just got so mad when she said that. And I thought to myself, ‘what would Papi do?’, and I thought you would say something. I just told her the truth.” She sighed, holding her own head in her hands now, with her elbows on her knees.
> 
> *****
> 
> Rafael and Marlene have an important discussion about beauty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading!
> 
> A couple quick notes--I did want to just put a note here that if you have a child, or know a child, who is struggling with weight, the absolute worst thing you can do is to limit food and harass them about it. Trust me when I say it's a guarantee they'll be looking at a weight problem and/or eating disorder down the line.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“Marlene Elizabeth Barba-Carisi!” Rafael yelled, and Marley knew her deeds had beaten her papi home. “Get out here!”

Papi never yelled, or almost never, so she knew he was majorly pissed. But she didn’t really understand why. Sure, she shouldn’t have said those words to Camila, but it wasn’t like Camila didn’t deserve it. She’d been rude and hateful to Abby, talked about her behind her back, and expected her to just sit back and say nothing, like she was some dumb baby. Not to mention, the way that lady talked to her kid was a disaster. That poor girl deserved a much better mother.

She ran into the front room, doing her best to look innocent and unaware. “Yeah?” she asked. “Is everything okay?”

Rafael pointed a finger at her. “You KNOW it’s not okay! You want to explain to me what made you think it was okay to use fresa when speaking to my soon to be half-sister? Or to say she is a bad mother? Who do you think you are, Marlene?”

“I know exactly who I am, Papi,” she responded, hands on her hips. “And she IS an awful mother! She practically called her kid fat and ugly all day, in front of us! AND she referred to YOUR MOTHER as naco. I’m sorry, but my own papi taught me to stand up for people! And she is fresa! There’s probably a picture of her next to the word in the dictionary!”

He was shaking his head, half laughing, half sputtering. “Dios mio...what am I gonna do in five years if you’re like this at ten?” He held his face in his hands, then glanced at her through his fingers. Her expression had changed to one of concern, and he knew what she was thinking, that she was starting to blame herself. “You’re a good girl, mija. I know you were trying to protect your abuelita. But you can’t just say things to adults because you think they were rude...or inappropriate...or whatever.”

She sat down next to him. “I’m sorry, Papi. I just got so mad when she said that. And I thought to myself, ‘what would Papi do?’, and I thought you would say something. I just told her the truth.” She sighed, holding her own head in her hands now, with her elbows on her knees.

Rafael reached over and tucked a braid behind her ear. “What did she say about Isabel? Wait...she didn’t say anything about you, did she?”

“Not really. She was just...weird. Like the dress for the wedding? It’s a little loose on me. She came up and pulled it tight around my waist and then started sayin’ stuff about how lucky I was that it didn’t fit...that she and Isabel gain weight just when they smell food. Papi, is it good that the dress was too loose on me? Are girls supposed to be skinny? She kept sayin’ things about Isabel like she was so fat. She even wanted her to wear sleeves at the wedding during the summer...I don’t know why, but I think she thought her arms were too fat? Can a girl’s arms be too fat? Does that mean my arms are too skinny?” She sat up and wrapped her fingers around her upper arm.

“Don’t do that,” Rafael said uncomfortably, pulling Marley’s fist away from her arm. “I think you’re just perfect, but more importantly, so does your doctor.” He reached over and tilted her face so that she was looking at him. “You’re going to hear a lot of people talk about weight and size as though it’s the most important thing ever. It’s not. Not even close. Daddy and I both want you to know the most important thing to consider about your size and weight is if you’re healthy. As long as you’re healthy, that’s all that matters.”

“That’s kinda what I thought, Papi. I mean, I know that thin girls are the pretty and sexy ones...I mean, that’s what everyone thinks,” she clarified. “Those are the girls who get boyfriends and stuff...the ones who are thin and wear pretty clothes and makeup, and do their hair all cool and fancy. Right?”

“No,” he told her, shaking his head. “There’s a saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That means every person that you think is beautiful, you’re going to have your own unique reason that you feel that way. Not everybody agrees on what and who is beautiful. For example, I think your dad is one of the most handsome men I’ve ever known, but that’s not just because he’s tall and has such beautiful eyes. It’s because his heart is so kind, and he’s passionate about the same things I am. I think he’s beautiful because of how he treats you and other children, and that he cares for people who are in need. Do you understand?”

She was watching him intensely, and he could tell she was thinking, trying hard to process everything he was telling her, but he had the impression it was falling just a wee bit flat. “I think I do, kinda. But you’re talking about inside beautiful. I was talkin’ about outside beautiful, Papi.” She grinned at him. “You love Daddy’s eyes and his pretty mouth and his long legs, and he loves your eyes and your laugh and your butt. I know there’s more, but it’s kinda gross and not so much my business.”

His mouth hung open for a minute, and then he asked, “How do you know those things?”

“Um, I LIVE here,” she answered, giggling again. “But everybody likes pretty people, right? I mean, you and Daddy are handsome. Would you still love Daddy as much if he wasn’t so handsome? What if he had brown eyes and stumpy legs?” 

“Stumpy legs?” he laughed, and she joined him.

“Well yeah! Would you still love him SO much?” she asked.

“Actually,” Rafael answered her honestly, “yes, I would. I can’t imagine not loving your dad.”

“Okay,” she said, drumming her fingers on her chin, “but would you still wanna kiss him so much? And do sex stuff if he was ugly?”

Rafael sighed, trying to think of how to explain his thoughts to her. “Marley, something happens when you fall in love with a person. Somebody that you may have thought before was just okay looking, not very attractive, suddenly becomes very attractive and beautiful when you fall in love. You see them in a different way. Your dad has always been an attractive man, but when I fell in love with him, he suddenly became the most beautiful person I’d ever known. Nobody else could compare.”

“Do you still think that? After being married for so, so long?”

He chuckled. “So, so long, huh?” he teased, and she giggled again. “Yes, I do. I’m pretty sure at this point, I always will. Does that make sense?” 

“Yeah,” she answered, then looked up at him mischievously. “You think Daddy’s more beautiful than anyone? Even me?”

He snorted. “You’re in a category all your own, princesa. There’s absolutely NOBODY like you.” He leaned over and kissed her on top of the head. “I love you, Marlene. Let’s try not to refer to potential family members offensively in the future, all right?”

“Okay, Papi,” she said, hugging him. “I’ll try to do better.” Marley glanced up just in time to see Sonny enter the room. “Oh there’s Daddy! Didja get your work done?” He’d been working in their home office.

“I’m trying to,” he said, checking his wallet. “I need to run out for a bit. I need to consult with another attorney on a case we’re working on.”

“Oh yeah?” Rafael asked, looking a mix of curious and amused. “Who are you consulting with?”

“Isaiah Holmes.” Sonny told him, meeting his gaze directly, and Rafael felt a ball of nerves grip his stomach. “I shouldn’t be gone too long--back in time for dinner.” Smiling at his daughter, he leaned over and kissed her forehead. “See you then, dolly. Bye, babe.” He pressed a quick kiss to Rafael’s cheek, then headed out the door.

  
  



	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They spent the rest of the evening together, chatting about their new jobs, about law school, about expectations and fears and desires. They drank shot after shot of cheap scotch, pretending they were older and more successful than they really were, until they finally found themselves seated alone, side by side, finishing the round before last call.
> 
> “So can I call you if I need some advice?” Isaiah asked, gently elbowing him in the ribs. “Mutual support?”
> 
> “Absolutely. Anytime,” Rafael told him, eyelids sleepy and a sexy grin on his face. “You can call me anytime, Isaiah.” Isaiah smiled at him sweetly, and Rafael didn’t know when he’d spent a night with a man who made him flutter like this inside. He slowly leaned over and brushed his lips across Isaiah’s, tenderly parting them with a slow, gently probing tongue. 
> 
> *****  
> Unbeknownst to Sonny, his husband DOES know Isaiah Holmes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and thanks for reading!
> 
> Quite awhile ago, a reader asked for a story in which jealousy played a part between Rafael and Sonny. Obviously, that's where we are going here.
> 
> I have to admit, I'm curious as to what men tell themselves when this kind of thing occurs for them? Anyway...
> 
> Comments and kudos are very welcome and appreciated! Enjoy!

Rafael isolated himself by going to his bedroom and closing the door. Marley didn’t mind; she had quickly turned the television on as soon as he’d left the room, not noticing her papi’s sudden change in mood.

Isaiah Holmes was an attractive gay ADA from Queen’s County. Rafael knew that Sonny had met the man and thought highly of him; he’d mentioned him several years ago when attending law school at Fordham. Isaiah had been one of Sonny’s professors, one who had made quite an impression on him. 

_ “Do you know if that ADA position in Brooklyn is still available?” Sonny had asked him one afternoon as they’d finished up a meeting at the sixteenth. _

_ “I thought you weren’t interested in that,” he replied, packing up his attaché. He had brought up the position to Sonny a few weeks prior, right after Dodds’ death, and Sonny had immediately said it wasn’t good timing. Rafael could understand that--they all were in a period of grieving, and it made sense that Sonny wouldn’t want to upset things any further. _

_ “I wasn’t,” he started to explain, “but I’ve been thinking, and I had a long conversation with someone about the DA’s office. Do you know Isaiah Holmes?” _

_ Rafael looked into his boyfriend’s eyes. They were engaged and had shared a good amount of their pasts, but clearly not everything. He cleared his throat, then answered, “Isaiah? Yes, yes I know him. So he got you rethinking this?” _

_ “Yeah...he taught one of my law classes last year, so I called him to get his take on it. I know he’s with the DA’s office in Queens county. I thought it might be a good idea to hear somebody else’s take on it, you know? No offense, Rafi...I just needed to toss it around a little more.” _

_ Shortly afterward, Sonny interviewed with the Brooklyn DA’s office. The interview went well, Sonny had thought, but in the end the position was given to a different candidate. Rafael had heard that while Sonny did well with the questions, he presented as ambivalent about the position at the time.  _

Rafael had never shared that information with Sonny, and Sonny had never asked. Additionally, Rafael had always wondered if Isaiah had given any opinion about Sonny to the powers that be; if he had influenced when and how Sonny started at the DA’s office. But Rafael wasn’t interested in bringing Isaiah Holmes’ name into conversation anytime soon. In fact, if he could forget about Isaiah, that would be fine with him.

_ The bar was busy, many of its customers arriving from the law offices and courthouse across the street in Brooklyn. Rafael was a newly-appointed ADA, anxious to network and meet some of his new coworkers. He’d struck up friendly conversation with a woman and a man at the bar so far, all of them enjoying neat glasses of scotch or bourbon. After awhile, he’d caught Rita Calhoun’s eye across the room; he said goodbye to the couple at the bar and took his glass to head toward his old lover. _

_ “Welcome to Brooklyn!” she greeted him, kissing him on the cheek. She’d been with the Brooklyn DA’s office for a year now while he’d been clerking for a local judge in the Bronx; she’d been the one who had watched for the opening, made sure his resume was at the top of the pile. “I think someone’s going to be very happy here! By the way, Rafael, have you met Isaiah Holmes? He’s new to the Queen’s County DA’s office. You two should have a lot to talk about!” She tugged on the arm of an attractive man next to her, practically giggling, then turned away, leaving the two alone in a crowd. _

_ “I’m Isaiah.” The man extended his hand with a grin, shaking Rafael’s. “Rita’s a bit of a handful, huh?” _

_ Rafael laughed at that characterization. “For sure. Rafael.” _

_ They spent the rest of the evening together, chatting about their new jobs, about law school, about expectations and fears and desires. They drank shot after shot of cheap scotch, pretending they were older and more successful than they really were, until they finally found themselves seated alone, side by side, finishing the round before last call. _

_ “So can I call you if I need some advice?” Isaiah asked, gently elbowing him in the ribs. “Mutual support?” _

_ “Absolutely. Anytime,” Rafael told him, eyelids sleepy and a sexy grin on his face. “You can call me anytime, Isaiah.” Isaiah smiled at him sweetly, and Rafael didn’t know when he’d spent a night with a man who made him flutter like this inside. He slowly leaned over and brushed his lips across Isaiah’s, tenderly parting them with a slow, gently probing tongue.  _

_ Isaiah suddenly pulled back, a look of guilt on his face. “Rafael...I’m sorry. I can’t do this with you.” _

_ Rafael sat up and took another sip of his drink. Had he misread the signals? He knew this man had to be gay, or Rita would never have introduced them. “It’s all right, Isaiah,” he said, smiling and waving a hand as though it were nothing. _

_ “I’m sure you’re a terrific guy...it’s just that I have this thing…” Isaiah shook his head. “I know it’s dumb, but I have a pretty specific physical type, and you’re just not it. Tall, thin, angular...sorry. That’s who I always go for…” _

_ Rafael felt the burn of humiliation coloring his cheeks. This man was turning him down because he was too...short and stocky? He forced a laugh out of his drunk brain. “Don’t worry about it. Hey, I’m gonna head out now. Have a good night. It was nice to meet you!” Rafael stood up, pulling his jacket on and tossing some cash on the table to cover the rest of his tab.  _

_ “You don’t have to go,” Isaiah started, and for a second, Rafael really thought the man was going to say, “we can still be friends.” _

_ But he didn’t. Rafael smiled one last time and gave a perfunctory wave, then hurried toward the door and out into the street. _

And he hadn’t seen Isaiah Holmes since.

He’d never come clean to his husband, either. So as far as Sonny knew, Rafael had heard of Isaiah Holmes but never met him, never talked to him, never shared a kiss with him. Certainly didn’t know that he had a type, and that type happened to be the same as his husband…

“Shit,” Rafael groaned into a pillow.


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And you’re sure this isn’t going to ruin your weekend?” Camila asked, handing Rafael a duffel bag.
> 
> When he’d picked up Marlene from Lucia’s that morning, Camila and Isabel were there. Apparently, Enzo, Camila’s husband, had hurt himself trying to set up a tent during a camping trip with their son Rory. They were in upstate New York, and Camila was anxious to get there but felt it would be better for Isabel to stay in the city. Mateo and Lucia had plans for that evening, but Lucia quickly volunteered Rafael. Rafael had agreed. It seemed the least he could do to mend fences, considering what Marley had said to Camila a couple weeks before.
> 
> “I’m positive,” he reassured her now. “Sonny and I will both be here this weekend. And Mami will make sure Isabel gets to her school on Monday. We’ll be fine, Camila. Go take care of the rest of your family.”
> 
> ******
> 
> Isabel spends some time with the Barba-Carisis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there and thanks for reading!
> 
> I am going to be posting as often as I can, but I'm guessing it is not going to be as quickly as I usually do. Please be patient with me!
> 
> I don't think I have any other notes for this chapter. Marley and Isabel have an interesting conversation at the end of the chapter about some family differences that may not have occurred to either of them before. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are wonderful--hope you enjoy!

“And you’re sure this isn’t going to ruin your weekend?” Camila asked, handing Rafael a duffel bag.

When he’d picked up Marlene from Lucia’s that morning, Camila and Isabel were there. Apparently, Enzo, Camila’s husband, had hurt himself trying to set up a tent during a camping trip with their son Rory. They were in upstate New York, and Camila was anxious to get there but felt it would be better for Isabel to stay in the city. Mateo and Lucia had plans for that evening, but Lucia quickly volunteered Rafael. Rafael had agreed. It seemed the least he could do to mend fences, considering what Marley had said to Camila a couple weeks before.

“I’m positive,” he reassured her now. “Sonny and I will both be here this weekend. And Mami will make sure Isabel gets to her school on Monday. We’ll be fine, Camila. Go take care of the rest of your family.”

Camila shot a glance across the room at Marlene, who was looking through a magazine with Isabel, but suddenly looked up and smiled at her. Camila furrowed her brow at the child and turned back to Rafael. “I just don’t want her to miss school. It’s bad enough Rory will miss some,” she sighed. 

“Well, I know Marlene will enjoy the company. You did get her apology letter, didn’t you?” he asked, noticing her eyeing his daughter.

“Oh yes, I did.” Her cheeks immediately turned red. “We both said some things that day that we shouldn’t have said.” Clearing her throat, she turned toward her daughter one last time. “Goodbye, Isabel, darling. Mummy will call you tomorrow, all right?” The little girl nodded and waved, but didn’t get up to hug her. “If you need me for anything, you have my number, right?”

“Yes I do.” He opened and held the door for her. “Have a safe trip, Camila.”

She forced her lips into a smile. “Thank you, Rafael.” She stepped out of the apartment and headed down the hallway. Rafael watched her go, tall and lithe and beautiful. It was clear that status and impression mattered to her. Her dark hair was pulled back into a tight chignon; she was wearing a white button down with a corduroy blazer over it. Her dark wash jeans fit her slim figure perfectly, and her wine-colored boots set off the outfit. She was carrying a black trench coat, and he watched her slip it on as she stepped into the elevator. Quietly, he closed the door and locked it.

“So what do you want me to call you?” Marley was asking Isabel, and the little girl sat there chewing on her thumbnail. “Izzy? Bella? Sissy?” Marlene giggled. “Cuz?”

Isabel giggled too, then shrugged.

“We’re gonna be cousins! Do you got any other cousins? I do! I’ve got Mia and Rosie. Mia’s a grownup and she’s at college and she’s gonna be something important. Rosie’s my younger cousin. She’s only eight. She’s littler than you!”

“I’m not little,” Isabel suddenly said, and Rafael realized he’d never heard the child speak before. “I’m almost ten. You’re ten too, Marley Mae.”

“Hey! How’d you know to call me that? My dads call me that!” Marley looked a mix of delighted and curious.

Once again, Isabel shrugged. “Your abuelita. She calls you that sometimes too. I don’t really got a nickname.”

Marley looked shocked. “And you don’t want one? I’ve got tons! Daddy calls me Marley Mae and Dolly, and my papi calls me mija and princesa...and when I was little, he used to call me estrellita sometimes. And then Abby calls me all of those plus sometimes she calls me nieta, or Lil Miss…” She stopped, seeing Isabel looking completely overwhelmed. “We can just call you Isabel, if you want...or Izzy, for short. Nicknames should be fun.”

Isabel looked hesitantly from Marlene to Rafael, then back to Marley again. “My other aunt has a baby who always calls me Sisi, cause she can’t say Isabel. Is that okay?”

Marley smiled broadly. “I think that’s awesome! Sisi is perfect! Welcome to our family, Sisi!” She threw her arms around the girl, who hesitated for a second before hugging back. “Thank you,” she whispered, smiling. “It’s cool to have a nickname.”

“You know it!” Marley finished hugging her, then stood up. “Hey Papi? Can we watch TV in your bed until dinner? Daddy’s still out, right?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Rafael returned, checking his watch. It was just shy of five, and Sonny wasn’t due home for awhile. “Remember the rules, please, especially when we have company.”

She nodded. “I will. C’mon, Sisi! You should see their bed...it’s so big and soft! My dad has back pain so he has a kind of bed where you can adjust the mattress...have you ever seen that before?”

Rafael shook his head. He’d never figured either he or Sonny’s back pain would be so entertaining. He set himself on starting dinner, beginning to chop up the broccoli that was going to go in with the chicken. He worked quietly, thinking about how happy Marlene seemed to have Isabel over to spend the night. They’d allowed her to have occasional sleepovers, but not very often. Maybe they should consider more, now that she was getting older, he thought.

“Hey Rafi.” The front door opened and closed, and Sonny was hanging his light jacket on the coatrack, then taking off his shoes. “How’s it going?”

“Ah, fine.” Rafael leaned over and kissed Sonny. “Did you and Isaiah get a lot done?”

Sonny grabbed a piece of broccoli and popped it into his mouth. “We’re gonna get this guy out, Rafi. You know, I’ve always known that some people do get caught up in the system innocently. But seeing a case like this, it’s heartbreaking. He’s sat in prison for years, for the rape and murder of his own mother and sister, Rafi. I can’t imagine being accused of anything worse. I keep thinking, what if somebody accused me of killing you and Marlene? And what if I couldn’t fight back...if the truth kept getting hidden every time I tried to right it?”

“How’s Isaiah feel about it?” Rafael asked, trying to sound cool, when inside he knew he was really digging for information, even just the knowledge that Sonny and Isaiah had talked about anything personal--

“I think he feels the same as I do,” Sonny volunteered easily. “Did I tell you he’s married? They don’t have any kids, but yeah, he’s a gay married man. Reminds me of us.” Sonny grinned, then bumped Rafael’s hip. “Sure you never dated him?”

“I hate to break it to you, Sonny,” Rafael replied, “but I haven’t dated every gay male New York City attorney. You make it sound like dating me was some kind of hazing to join the New York Bar!”

Sonny laughed. “It wasn’t? I’ve heard rumors…”

“You’re such a little…” Rafael and Sonny were wrestling then, Rafael quickly finding his head in Sonny’s armpit. Rafael reached around, pinching Sonny on the ass and Sonny squealed, then twisted one of Rafael’s nipples. “Holy…” Rafael shrieked, both men laughing, and he suddenly found himself pinned to the kitchen table, both arms behind him and his face pressed to a placemat. He hated when he forgot that his husband used to be a cop. And now he could feel Sonny grinding against his ass. “You just wait, you skinny little puta--”

_ “PAPI!” _ they both heard, and Sonny let go of him so fast he almost fell onto the floor. “What exactly are you guys doing? We have company! You’re gonna make Sisi think we’re WEIRD!”

Now all eyes fell on Isabel, standing next to Marlene, who didn’t look alarmed in the slightest. Rafael couldn’t help the grin he shot the little girl, and for the first time, she shyly grinned back at him. “Puttanesca,” Rafael suddenly said, seemingly out of nowhere. “When you came in and I was talking to Daddy, I was telling him to just wait, because his skinny little puttanesca sauce couldn’t stand up to yours, Marley. Right, Son?” He slapped Sonny in the bicep.

“Huh?” Sonny started then realizing Rafael was staring at him, confirmed. “Oh yeah! That’s right! Puttanesca sauce, it’s the best! And your papi always thinks you can do just about anything, Marley Mae, so he suggested that you guys could cook one night!”

Marley looked from one to the other as though they’d lost their collective mind before saying, “I’ve never heard of Pooty Pesto sauce in my life. You guys are nuts. We just want pizza.”

***

“Where did you hear that story?” Sisi whispered to Marley, as they lay in bed that night, giggling. Marley had just told her a spooky story, and Isabel was feeling a little unsure.

“From my friend Jesse. Don’t worry, it’s all pretend! You’re not scared, are you?” Marley asked her, a little worried. She hadn’t meant to scare her visitor.

“Uh-uh, I’m not scared. Your dads let you read all those books on your shelf?” Sisi pointed toward Marley’s rather large bookshelf. 

“Yeah!” Marley said, as though it were obvious. “They gave me most of them. Especially Papi--he’s probably read almost all of them to me at some point or another. They’re all good. When I was a little girl, his job every night was to read me a story and sing me a lullaby. Do both of your parents read to you?”

“No, sometimes my mom does. But we don’t have a lot of time because I take spanish lessons and stuff. My mom wants me to speak Spanish really well, as well as I speak English. Does your papa want you to speak Spanish well?”

Marley nodded. “Yeah, he does. But I just learn from him and Abby...and sometimes on Google. I don’t take lessons or anything.”

Sisi looked impressed. “Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to take lessons. At home, sometimes, we only speak Spanish. Papa likes for us to practice. He’s not there very much but when he’s at home he likes to hear how much we’ve learned.”

“Your dad’s not home very much?” Marley asked. “Sometimes my dad used to have to stay gone for awhile and I hated it.”

Sisi shrugged. “I don’t mind. My papa likes his work. He doesn’t like home so much.”

“Really?” Marley said, confused. “Why? I thought he was takin’ your brother camping and stuff.”

“Yeah, my brother...he doesn’t like girls so much though. I don’t like camping or sports stuff like my dad likes, so we don’t do stuff very much.” They were quiet for a moment, and suddenly they heard a sound from the other end of the apartment. “What was that?” Sisi asked, looking a little nervous.

Marley giggled. “Probably my dads...you know about sex stuff, right?”

“You mean about making babies?” Sisi asked, and they heard another sound, similar to a moan.

“Kinda...they think we’re asleep. They’re gay, so they’re not making any babies. I don’t know exactly how it works with them, because nobody’s got a vagina, but they’ve gotta be sticking something somewhere.”

At that, Sisi started to giggle, which made Marlene giggle. “Do you mean boy parts?” Sisi asked, covering her mouth as she giggled.

“Yes!” Marley giggled. “Don’t tell anybody I said that, okay Sisi?”

“Kay!” Sisi agreed. “Just between you and me.” Giggling harder, she whispered to herself, “boy parts sticking somewhere…”

And eventually the laughter was replaced by the rhythmic breathing of sleep.


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Lucia continues her wedding planning, she starts to wonder if the energy and cost are really worth it. Despite the fact that they adore each other, Rafael can't help feeling insecure about Sonny's relationship with Isaiah. It seems the two are growing closer. Camila has begun to use the guys as a babysitting service, adding more stress about the foods her daughter eats while at the Barba-Carisi house. And after Isabel notices how close Marley is to Rafael, she asks a question that causes a blowup between the two girls. ***TW: CHILD MOLESTATION--discussion***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: a character discusses potential child molestation. Please practice self-care and only read if it is safe for you to do so.

“So, what flavor of cake are we having?” Rafael asked, taking a bite of paella, a sample from a potential caterer. “Oh, Mom, that’s awful.” He spat it into a napkin.

“Raspberry lemon, and I know already,” she told him, patting his hand. “We’d ruled that one out. Try this.” She handed him a small bowl of the same entree and watched his eyes light up as he sipped the broth. “That’s the winner.”

“As it should be...can I ask, why paella?” He sank into a chair at her kitchen table, continuing to finish the sample. 

“It’s Mateo’s favorite. He grew up with it. His ex never learned to make it. I’ve tried, but my version isn’t much better than the one you spat out. So I agreed it could be an option at the wedding...we’re also offering steak tips or stuffed chicken, or a portabella cap for the vegetarians…” she sighed and took the seat next to him, sipping her coffee. “I don’t know why I decided to do this. He suggested we just go to Miami and elope, spend two weeks in the sun wasting all the money we saved from not having a wedding. But no...I had to say, ‘what about the kids, honey? What about the grandkids? Marlene will just be devastated if she doesn’t get to be a part of this--”

“Oho no!” he laughed. “You’re not blaming MY daughter for this!”

She waved a hand in the air. “Of course not! It’s me, Rafi. Mateo is wonderful. Sometimes I wonder how in the world I ended up with a man as wonderful as he is. He truly loves me for who I am, warts and all, enough to pay for this ridiculous affair of a wedding. Do you know why? Because I’ve never had one and I deserve it, he said. The man truly believes I deserve the wedding of my dreams and wants to give it to me.” She took another sip from her cup.

Rafael watched her for a minute. “He’s right, you know.”

She pulled back, looking surprised. “What do you mean?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Why wouldn’t you deserve it? You and Papi got married way too young, with very little. You’re able to afford this now. I’ve seen how you smile, Mami...the look when you see your granddaughter in her dress, the way you look in your own dress...what? You really think Marlene wouldn’t show me the photos?”

“She wasn’t supposed to show anyone,” Lucia said, but she was smiling. “So you’ve seen it? The most expensive dress your mother’s ever worn? The dress I’ll wear exactly one time in my life before passing it on to su bebe...if she wants it one day.” Now she laughed. “Or she can cut it into a mini-dress and dye it hot pink for prom, if she wants!”

Rafael snorted. “Please, Mami...don’t give her ideas! Especially tacky ones.”

“You know, she wants heels. Can I let her get heels? She’ll be eleven by then!” She smacked him in the arm, and he made a face at her. “I’m talking to you, mijo! This is important!”

“Fine, fine.” Now he waved a hand at her. “But if she ends up having back problems at twenty, I’m suing you.”

“That’s fine,” she replied, “but I won’t have any money to collect because I’ll have spent it all on this damn wedding!” 

He laughed as she rolled her eyes, thinking of how far their relationship had come. “You’re going to be a beautiful bride, Mami. Don’t worry about it. Besides, Marlene is watching enough episodes of Four Weddings that she’ll be able to advise you appropriately.”

Lucia shook her head. “That girl. So tell me, how are things going with you and Soleado? I hardly see him lately--always at work, it seems. You miss him, yes?”

Rafael chuckled. “Of course I miss him. He’s working hard...he and another attorney just got a sentence reversed for a guy who’d been wrongfully convicted for the rape and murder of his sister and mother--”

“Ay, mijo...that was Soleado? I read about that case in the paper! I can’t imagine anything more horrible. Is Sonny doing okay? He must be proud...I read that they also found the real rapist, right?”

Rafael nodded. “They did. You know Sonny...he’s humble, giving the credit to the other attorney…” He paused, unsure how much he wanted to share. “He really admires the guy. I think he plans to keep meeting with him, as a mentor or something.”

“Pfft, you’re his mentor. And his husband. You’re not worried, are you?” Her brown eyes searched his green ones, but he didn’t look up. “Rafi. Sonny loves you. Most people can only hope for a love like you two have. Don’t let your insecurities cause you problems that don’t exist.”

He smiled then and met her eyes. “You’re right. You usually are,” he humored her, and she chuckled, then dotted his nose playfully with her finger.

“I know I am. And you’d be wise to remember,” she teased.

***

“Change in plans,” Sonny announced as Rafael returned from his mom’s. “Camila called and asked if Isabel could stay over again tonight, so I called my mom and she said it’s fine for Marlene to come tomorrow instead of tonight. So I told Camila that was fine. She’s dropping Isabel off in an hour.”

Rafael kicked his shoes off. “And you couldn’t call me? Maybe I was looking forward to some time with you. It’s Friday night--that’s our night, Sonny.”

“I know,” Sonny replied, sitting next to him. “I just didn’t think it would be a big deal to switch it to Saturday, since it would work better for everyone--”

“For everyone? All I hear is it works for Camila’s free babysitting service.” 

Sonny had to admit Rafael had a point about his soon to be stepsister. It seemed that ever since Isabel spent that first night over, Camila had been happy to drop her daughter off with them every chance she got. And there were a lot of chances lately.

Sonny’s expression turned guilty. “Well, there was something else I meant to talk to you about and just hadn’t had the chance...there’s a speaker over at Fordham tonight about immigration law, and Isaiah managed to secure two tickets. He called and asked me early this afternoon, and then your sister called right after that--”

“She’s NOT my sister,” Rafael grumbled.

“Okay, sorry...Camila called. I just made a decision based on what I thought would be best for everyone.” Taking in Rafael’s frown, he continued. “I can see now I may have acted too hastily, and I probably needed to call you first. I can cancel with Isaiah and stay here with the girls. I can’t change our date night back, but if you want, why don’t you call Liv or Rita and go have a drink or two?” His eyes met Rafael’s. “I’m sorry, baby. I really am...it wasn’t considerate.”

Rafael sighed. “No, it’s all right. I’m overreacting, Son. I just...Isaiah seems like your hero these days, and I guess I miss some of that attention.”

Leaning in, Sonny fluttered his lashes and smiled. Oh, was he pretty, Rafael couldn’t help thinking. So very, very pretty for a fortysomething man. “You’ll always be my hero, Rafi,” he purred softly, slipping a hand under Rafael’s shirt collar and sliding it back and forth on his neck. “And always my lover...I’ll make it up to you tomorrow night. I promise, baby.”

“Make what up?” Marley asked, skipping into the room just as Sonny’s lips brushed over Rafael’s. “Oh gross. I don’t wanna know, do I?” Her mouth was drawn as though she’d seen something horribly distasteful.

“Uh, no. You don’t,” Rafael reassured her, slipping out of Sonny’s grasp and turning straight on the couch. “By the way, Isabel will be over tonight again.”

“Yay! That’ll be fun!” Marley exclaimed excitedly. “Hey, can you guys do me a favor? Whatever it is that you do in the middle of the night that makes those groany moany noises, could you maybe not do that when I have company? It’s a little embarrassing.”

She skipped back to her room, leaving the two men to stare at each other in a mixture of humor, horror, and humiliation.

***

“I really appreciate it,” Camila told Sonny as Isabel happily ran to Marlene’s room. “Usually she and Rory stay with my uncle when we go out, but lately she’s been insistent on not going...I think she just likes coming here so much. She certainly loves Marlene.”

Sonny smiled. “Well, she’s a sweet girl and we enjoy having her here. Friday nights are usually a no-go, but in the future, we’re almost always here on Saturdays.”

Camila smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you, Sonny.” She turned to leave, then hesitated. “Could I ask you for a possible favor while Isabel is here? I don’t want to mention it to Rafael because I know Lucia already thinks I’m nuts, but Isabel has a tendency to eat too much...especially refined carbs--”

Sonny forced a smile, hoping it looked reassuring. “Don’t worry. I promise she’ll get balanced meals while she’s here and I’ll push the fruits and veggies, and lots of exercise.”

She visibly relaxed. “Thank you, Sonny. I really do appreciate it. Isabel is still too young to understand how important her weight could be.” She shot him a huge smile, then waved goodbye, and he smiled and waved back.

“What was that about?” Rafael asked, coming into the room. “Anything i need to know about Isabel?”

“Yeah, don’t feed her any refined carbs.” Sonny swatted him on the ass as he walked by. “Have fun denying her the pizza we promised tonight.” Seeing Rafael’s mouth hang open, Sonny shook his head. “She just asked us to keep an eye on it, if we can. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”

“Sonny, as you’re fond of mentioning, she IS going to be my sister soon. I’d prefer not to lie to her. I’m not gonna take the pizza away but I’ll make sure to add a salad to it--”

“Like you do anyway?” Sonny asked, raising an eyebrow. “No offense, but your sister is exhausting.”

Catching his husband’s teasing tone, Rafael caught Sonny by the belt loop. “Stop flirting with my sister. It’s crass.”

Sonny grinned, turning into him. “Aw, you jealous? I’d ask if you were the pretty one or the smart one, but it’s already clear that you’re both.” He leaned in and brushed his lips across Rafael’s.

“Mmm,” Rafael sighed into the kiss. “Remember that when you’re out with your buddy tonight.”

“You think I…” Sonny’s blue eyes widened with realization as Rafael turned away from him, suddenly understanding that all of the flirty, teasing banter back and forth may have had an underlying truth. “You know tonight is just about work, right?”

“I do,” Rafael confirmed. “I’m going to go work in the office. I have that brief I need to read over. Say goodbye before you leave?”

“Of course.” Sonny watched his husband disappear into their home office, wondering if the day would ever come that Rafael would feel secure in their marriage. Twelve years in, and he still thought Sonny could be wooed away. 

In a tiny way, it broke his heart.

***

“This is so good,” Sisi said to nobody in particular as she took her time on a second slice of pizza. “Do you get to eat pizza a lot, Marley Mae?”

“I dunno, not every day or anything. We like it though. Right, Papi?” she asked, glancing at her dad, who was sitting on the couch. They were watching Star Wars, and he’d taken a break from his office work to join them.

“Yes, we do,” Rafael responded. He wasn’t about to lie to make pizza sound less appealing to a nine-year old. “Anyone want more salad?”

“We never eat pizza, except cauliflower pizza. And then I get two slices, exactly. Because even cauliflower pizza has carbs in it, and those will make you fat.” Sisi took another bite of her crust and chewed thoughtfully. “I wonder how many carbs this has?”

Marley examined the piece in her hand. “How do carbs make you fat? Do I eat enough of them? How do you know the right amount? I don’t want to be TOO skinny--”

“We don’t worry about that stuff in our house,” Rafael blurted out impulsively, and both girls looked at him, wide eyed. He swallowed heavily, then looked directly at his daughter. “Marlene, you don’t need to worry about any of that right now, okay? Your health and your weight are just fine. The important thing is that you eat a healthy diet, eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full. You’re fine.”

Isabel had put down her slice of pizza and was staring at her plate, and God forgive him, he couldn’t help what came out of his mouth next. “And Isabel, you’re absolutely perfect how you are as well.” He watched her eyes move from her plate up to meeting his, and a light flush colored her cheeks as she smiled. “I’m glad everyone is enjoying dinner. I’m lucky to be having dinner with two lovely young ladies!” He grinned then, and Marley started laughing. Slowly, a smile came across Isabel’s face and she joined them.

“Papi, you’re so silly,” Marley laughed, climbing onto the couch and wrapping her arms around him. “I love you so much. You are awesome.” She kissed his cheek, and he squeezed her tight. He glanced at Isabel and saw that she was watching them carefully; he couldn’t help but wonder if Camila and Enzo ever showed her any affection. She was biting her bottom lip, looking very much like an outsider. He kissed Marley’s temple, then let go of her, and she jumped back into the floor next to her plate.

***

“Does your papi always hug and kiss you?” Isabel asked that night, after they’d climbed into bed. Rafael had made sure they were relatively settled down, then hugged and kissed Marley goodnight. He ruffled Isabel’s hair, telling her goodnight, but hadn’t hugged or kissed the girl. Somehow it hadn’t felt right, so he had held back.

“Yep. Ever since I was a baby. Both my dads hug and kiss me. Doesn’t your dad hug and kiss you?” Marley asked, petting Pru’s head. Pru was lying between them in the bed, her tail thumping rhythmically as it wagged.

Isabel shook her head. “No. Sometimes he hugs me if he’s been gone a long time.”

“What about your mom? Doesn’t she hug you? She always calls you darling and stuff.”

“She gives me air kisses. At bedtime. She kisses the air next to my head. It’s kinda silly.” Isabel let out a soft laugh, and Marley joined her.

“Why’s she kiss the air? Is she afraid you have cooties or something?” Marley asked, and they both giggled together.

“I dunno. She just does.” Isabel was quiet for a moment. “My mom’s uncle Lucas hugs and kisses me.”

“He does? Mateo’s brother Lucas?” Marley asked. “That’s nice.”

“I guess,” Isabel said. “I don’t like it. Rory and me, that’s where we used to always go when my parents go out, but I told Mama I’d rather stay with you if I can.” 

“I’m glad! We have fun together!” Marley said, excited that Isabel was choosing her instead of Lucas.

“I don’t want your dads to hug or kiss me though.” Isabel’s eyes were wide, concerned, and Marley was confused.

“They won’t,” she reassured Isabel. “They always say you have to ask before you touch somebody else’s body. Even for a hug or something. Don’t worry, okay?”

Isabel nodded. 

The room was dark and warm, and Marley was sleepy. Pru was sleeping next to her, keeping her warm and comfy, when she suddenly heard, “Marley?”

“Huh?” Her eyelids shot open, and she saw Isabel looking at her in the dark.

“Do you like it when your papi kisses you...other places?”

Marley’s sleep-addled brain made her feel even more confused. “Huh? Whaddya mean?”

“On your private places. Do you like that?”

“My papi doesn’t do that,” she said, suddenly feeling wide awake. “My papi doesn’t do that because nobody is allowed to do that to kids, Sisi.” 

“Oh.” Isabel closed her eyes and tried to curl up into the smallest position she could.

“Sisi, why’d you think my papi would do that?” Marley asked, wide awake now, anger at the accusation beginning to fill her chest. “He’d never hurt me like that, or anyone else!”

“I dunno,” Isabel said softly. “I was just joking.”

“Well don’t joke about stuff like that! It’s not funny to say such awful things about my dads and I don’t want you to do it again, you understand?” Marley felt furious. How could Sisi say such a thing about her papi? They’d all only been kind and nice to her! “Like, I don’t like your mom and I think she’s mean to you, but I’ve tried to be nice about her anyway. And then you make a joke that my papi would child molest a kid. That’s what that’s called, you know! Child molesting! And people go to jail for that!”

“I’m sorry, Marley,” Isabel said softly, tears rolling down her face. “I didn’t mean to do anything bad. I know your dads are so nice to me. You’re all very nice to me. I’m sorry. Please still be my friend.”

“Okay,” Marley told her, taking a breath to calm down, “but don’t say anything like that about either of my dads again, understand? We want to love you. You’re gonna be my cousin. Papi and Daddy will be your uncles.”

“Okay, Marley. I won’t say it ever again,” Isabel promised, wiping her tears away. Marley reached over and patted her back, then settled down to go back to sleep.

Isabel rolled over in the opposite direction, wiping at her tears. No matter where she went, she was still alone with her secret. Always alone.

  
Pru licked her hand. She reached over and petted the dog’s head.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. I've been writing and rewriting that last part in my mind for quite awhile, and it still took on its own life. Obviously there's a lot still developing here.
> 
> Kudos and comments are so appreciated. Thank you for reading!


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabel was crying, a red faced, wet, snotty cry, and Marley was gasping for air like the time she’d seen Corrine. She grabbed for an empty paper bag on her desk and tried to breathe into it, but it was hard. All she wanted was Papi. He could fix this. He would know what to do.
> 
> Jesse had jumped up and was moving frantically between the two girls, eyes wide. “Isabel, it’ll be okay…”she said, grabbing the box of tissues and handing it to the little girl. “Marley, can you breathe?” she asked, and when Marley shook her head no, Jesse swung the door open. “Wait here, everybody...it’s gonna be okay,” she tried to reassure them, then took off.
> 
> *****
> 
> Isabel's secret comes out.
> 
> ***TRIGGER WARNING: CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

He rolled over into Sonny’s space, wrapping an arm around the sleeping man. Half asleep himself, Rafael snuggled closer, breathing in his husband’s scent--he smelled of musk, of sex, with a soft note of his cologne. It was a scent that Rafael loved, and it brought him peace. He gently pressed a kiss to the back of Sonny’s neck, then breathed in deep.

“G’morning,” Sonny murmured, pulling one of Rafael’s hands up to his lips and kissing it. “I love you, babe.” 

Rafael ran a hand over Sonny’s bare chest, reflecting on their lovemaking the night before. Sonny had been gentle with him, taking his time. Rafael had sensed his husband needed something more tender, and they had spent long moments in one another’s arms, loving and treasuring one another. “I love being inside you,” Sonny had whispered, biting the shell of Rafael’s ear, as their bodies rocked together in deep pleasure.

“You feel so good, Sonny...always so good for me,” he’d murmured, and it was true. He knew there would never be another love for him in this lifetime. Only Sonny loved him like this, only Sonny knew him. Only Sonny fit.

“You getting up or going to doze?” his husband asked now, moving onto his back, and Rafael bent over, kissing a nipple.

“I’m flexible,” he told Sonny, and a second later he found himself on his back with Sonny leaning over him and grinning.

“Stay there, sexy,” Sonny directed him. “Just wanna love on you for a bit.” Rafael watched as Sonny’s tongue circled his left nipple, then licked its way down his chest to his belly, then his abdomen, before circling the head of his cock. Sonny gave a delicate kiss to the tip before looking up and smiling. “Relax and enjoy, baby.” Rafael closed his eyes, feeling Sonny take him down. 

“I love you, honey,” Rafael told him, running his fingers through Sonny’s silver locks. For a moment, he wondered if Sonny ever fantasized about Isaiah while they were together. Was he pretending he was servicing the other man right now? But when Rafael opened his eyes, he saw ice blue gazing at him lovingly, working desperately to give him pleasure, and he knew in that moment that Sonny was his. For now, anyway, he was still blessed beyond measure.

***

“Rory, slow down inside!” Camila called as her son ran past her to the kitchen. “Always just a bundle of energy,” she sighed to Rafael and Sonny, who were sitting next to her at the table. Lucia had invited the families over for lunch, and the three of them were still finishing up.

“Well, I was going to say that’s boys, but we have a girl that we’ve had to tackle a time or two,” Sonny said jokingly, and Rafael chuckled. 

“Is that so?” Camila asked. “She’s certainly got it under control in public, then. Marlene is a very well-behaved girl, at least from what I’ve seen.”

“She is,” Rafael agreed. “We’ve been very lucky that way, although it’s the attitude we sometimes worry about more.”

Camila wisely said nothing in response to Rafael’s admission, instead turning the topic to sleepovers. “Isabel absolutely loves coming to your place. I wish I knew your secret! Are you sure it hasn’t been too much of a hassle?”

“Of course not! Isabel is a wonderful little girl. She’s going to be our niece pretty soon, anyway, right?” Rafael smiled at her kindly. “We always enjoy having her over.”

“That’s sweet,” Camila responded, but her face took on a serious look. “To be honest, she’s always stayed with Lucas when we’ve gone out. Lucas has always watched Rory and Isabel since they were little. But lately, she’s been adamant that she doesn’t want to go there--she wants to go to your house. I hate to give in to bad behavior, but I know you all take good care of her, and I can understand that she feels alone over there, being the only girl…”

“Look,” Rafael said seriously, “when Marley was about five, Sonny and I realized we needed a consistent, weekly date night without our daughter. We were lucky that our parents stepped up, and Marley spends every other Friday night with Mami and Sonny’s parents. Maybe it’s time for me and Sonny to give back a little, you know? If you want to make Saturday nights a regular thing for awhile, see if it works for you all, we’d be happy to have her. Sonny and Marley go to mass on Sunday mornings, but if you’d prefer she not go, she can stay home with me until you pick her up.”

He watched Camila’s face morph into an expression of relief and gratitude. “Are you--you really--I mean…” She shook her head. “Are you sure, Rafael? You’d really be willing to keep her on Saturdays?”

“Positive,” he told her, nodding. “Starting tonight, if you want.”   
  


“That would be fantastic,” she told him. “Enzo has been in D.C. all week and just got home right as we were leaving. He’ll be here until Monday, then he flies out again Monday night. It’s just a difficult schedule. He loves being a lobbyist, but living apart like this has been very difficult on everyone.”

“I can imagine,” Sonny empathized. “When I was a detective, I had to go undercover several times, and it got so much harder after Rafael and I got together. I missed him terribly every time I had to go. And once we had Marlene?” He shook his head. “I remember one case I had where children were being sex trafficked. One of the kids that I was supposed to be selling looked very much like my daughter. It made me sick and broke my heart. That was one of the last times I went undercover--I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

Rafael remembered that case, remembered when Sonny came home nearly broken. He also remembered the long days and longer nights of parenting a preschooler alone, trying to meet two people’s needs with no help. Camila’s kids may be older, but there were two of them, and she was still alone. “Being the one left behind is no fun either,” he added. “Marley was a preschooler back then, and she missed Sonny so much. She’d have tantrums over ridiculous things, when what she was really crying about was the fact she missed her daddy. And there were a lot of times I just wanted to cry with her.”

Camila chuckled, then dabbed her eye. “Oh my God, it’s like you’ve lived my life,” she said, laughing. 

“More in common than you’d think, huh?” Rafael chuckled with her. Maybe there was hope for this relationship after all.

“Are you sure tonight would be okay? I know Isabel would love it.” Camila’s face was hopeful.

“Absolutely,” Rafael confirmed.

“Jesse is spending the night also,” Sonny interrupted, reminding Rafael that they’d promised Marlene and Jesse they could have a sleepover that night. “But it shouldn’t be a problem. Jesse is the daughter of my old partner. All three girls should have a great time!”

“His old partner as a detective,” Rafael clarified the question written on Camila’s face, and she nodded and smiled. “Jesse is twelve, and she’s smart and funny. She’s a little in love with Sonny. If I ever die, she’ll be planning her mother’s wedding to my husband, asap.”

Sonny leaned in. “Jess doesn’t have a father that’s very involved, so I try to step in and do some dad things for her.”

“That’s very sweet of you, Sonny,” Camila said. “I bet her mother appreciates that a lot. I remember when my mother left, it was very hard. If it hadn’t been for my Aunt Carole, I would have been lost. She was Lucas’ wife...passed away about fifteen years ago. I still miss her.” She crossed her hands in her lap, then looked at Rafael. “I know your father passed several years ago...that must have been hard. I understand Lucia loved him very much.”

Rafael choked on the drink he was swallowing, and Sonny patted his hand. “We don’t talk about it,” he said, waving a hand and speaking in a whisper. “It’s still just so hard. You understand.”

“I completely understand,” Camila replied quietly. “I won’t mention it again.”

“Thanks so much,” Sonny said, then turned to Rafael, smiling and squeezing his hand. Rafael smiled back, then stepped on Sonny’s toes, hard.

***

“So do you wanna do makeup or hair?” Jesse asked as she settled on the floor with Marlene and Isabel, opening her case of beauty items. “We could do nails, but I don’t have a lot of that stuff. Momma says I’m a little too young for the right kinda glue.”

Marley shrugged. “What do you wanna do, Isabel?”

Isabel was twirling a finger in her hair. “Is it...um, I was wondering if you can do my hair like yours was last time, with the braids? I really like yours like that.”

Marley raised an eyebrow at her. “You know I’m biracial, right? My hair is kinkier and coarser than yours?” She knew her tone was a little snotty, but she didn’t care. She felt annoyed that Isabel was here at all. Nobody asked her if it was okay if Isabel crashed her sleepover. Plus, she was still offended by what Isabel had said last time she spent the night. Marley knew she was younger, but she should be smart enough to know you just don’t accuse people of stuff like that. She hadn’t mentioned it to Papi, because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. But inside, it made her feel a little sick still, enough that she’d thought about talking to Amy, her therapist, about it. Maybe she would.

“Oh, okay,” Isabel said, but she looked confused until Jesse finally said, “Marlene’s birth dad is probably part black, and her mom is Native American. That’s what she means, is all. And you and me, we’re white.”

“My abuelo is Mexican,” Isabel supplied, “so my mom is half-Mexican, and my dad is from New York.”

“My mom’s from Georgia,” Jesse shared. “And she says my dad’s family is originally from Ireland. He’s Irish, I guess. Red hair. He’s old and ugly, too. I can’t believe she ever did it with him!” She and Marley both began to giggle, and Isabel joined along awkwardly. “Anyway, we can braid your hair, Isabel. The braids won’t stay as long, probably, but we can still do it. That’s what Uncle Rafi told me once, when I asked him to do mine.”

“Uncle Rafi braids your hair?” she asked, surprised, and Marley turned to her immediately.

“Yes, he does when I want my whole head done. He’s done my hair since I was a baby. He’s the best dad a person could ever have!” Marley’s tone was so sharp that even Jesse looked surprised.

“Oh-kayyy,” Jesse said, looking between the two girls. “Uncle Rafi’s a great dad, and nobody said he wasn’t, Marley. Here, Isabel...scoot over here, and I’ll get started on you.”

Isabel slowly crawled closer to Jesse, eyes focused downward, but Jesse could see there were tears in the corners of them from Marley’s sharp words. “What’s your dad like, Isabel? I don’t have one so I pretend Uncle Sonny is my dad. Marley doesn’t have a mom so she pretends my mom is hers.”

“He works in Washington D.C. He’s gone a lot.” Isabel sat patiently as Jesse began to comb out her hair.

“Well, do you like him?” Jesse asked. “Does he like you?”

“I dunno. I guess. I don’t really know him a lot.” Isabel pulled on the edge of her shorts.

“So what do you think about this?” Marley asked, puckering her lips after applying a bright red lipstick.

“Ooh, sexy!” Jesse told her, grinning, and Marlene blew her a kiss. “Too bad your dads won’t let you wear it out of the house.”

Marley inspected herself in the mirror. “You can’t either. Just because you’ve turned twelve doesn’t mean you can dress sexy.”

“Maybe I don’t have to,” Jesse replied, cocking her head to one side and smiling as she continued to braid Isabel’s hair.

Marley turned to look at her. “What is that supposed to mean?” she asked curiously. Seeing Jesse’s grin, she pressed on. “Did you meet a cute boy? One you’d actually kiss?”

Jesse didn’t answer, but finished one braid and started another. 

“Jesse Rollins! Who’d you meet?” Marlene clambered over to Jesse’s side, eyes wide.

“His name is Reid. He’s a friend of Noah’s.” Her smile got bigger, if it was possible. “And I’m not saying another word to either of you unless you swear that you’ll never tell anyone at all!”

Marley pulled herself up to her knees. “I swear, I swear! I won’t tell anyone! C’mon, Isabel! Tell her you swear it’ll be a secret!”

Isabel looked at Marley, then in the mirror and Jesse’s smiling face. “Okay, I swear.”

“Hmm...I think if I’m gonna tell you, then you have to promise to tell me a secret too. We’ll each tell a secret and that way nobody will tell on anyone else, because we don’t want to share outside of here. Cool?” Jesse’s eyebrows were up as she looked at each girl.

Marlene and Isabel hesitated for a minute, then Isabel said, “Okay, I guess.”

“Yeah, okay.” Marley nodded. “What’s the secret got to be about?”

“Uh, boys! Duh…” Jesse giggled. “Unless anyone here is gay, and then it would be girls. Anyone you want to kiss...or will kiss...or have kissed…”

Marley laughed. “You’re crazy, Jesse! Nobody here is kissing anyone! We’re not even old enough yet!”

“I have,” Jesse replied, a smirk playing on her lips. “I kissed Reid last night, when I was over at Noah’s! Nobody knows, so you two absolutely cannot tell anyone! My momma would be so mad...but he’s so cute and nice and I think I really, really like him…”

Marley gasped. “You  _ kissed  _ him? What was it like?” She lowered her voice. “Did it feel nice? Was it...spitty?”

“Eww!” Jesse laughed, shoving Marlene. “Gross! No! It was SO nice...he was so sweet! So we were watching a movie in Aunt Livvy’s front room, right? And she was on the phone and went in the back. She called Noah back there for something, and Reid said something about how funny the movie was, and I said yeah, and he said I was pretty and could he kiss me? And I said yeah, and he did. And it wasn’t gross or wet or anything...no tongue like you see in the movies. Actually it was super short because we heard Noah then. It was just...nice.” She confidently swung her hair. “You’ll be eleven next month, and who knows? In another year, maybe you’ll be old enough to kiss somebody.”

“Maybe,” Marley replied doubtfully. “Maybe if I ever grow up and out...and, you know, have real boobs to put in my bra, like you.”

Jesse patted her on the shoulder. “It’s just because I’m older. They’ll keep growing.”

“I’ve kissed somebody.” Both girls, surprised, turned to look at the youngest in their trio. “So you don’t gotta be twelve. Or have boobies. I’m only nine.”

Jesse and Marlene looked at each other for a long minute, then Jesse said, “Yeah, but you’re not supposed to be kissing people when you’re a little kid--”

“I’m not a baby,” Isabel said, jutting her chin up. “I’m more ready to be a woman than you guys are. I’m not a little kid. I’ve been practicing to be a grownup for a long time...and I know more than you!” She crossed her arms in front of her body.

Marley felt her heart begin to race in her chest. Something was wrong. This couldn’t be right...what if Isabel said that Papi was making her a woman? What if she was about to tell a horrible lie--

“Oh really?” Jesse said, eyes narrowing. “You’re nine! What do YOU know?”

“Stop, you guys,” Marlene whispered, but Isabel and Jesse continued on as though she hadn’t spoken a word.

“I know how to kiss boys in lots of places! Do you? Do you know what happens if you kiss a boy on his--”

“Stop it!” Marlene reached over and slapped Isabel’s leg. “Just stop it! Stop lying!”

“I don’t believe you,” Jesse retorted. “What boy let you do that to him? You’re just a kid!”

“I’m not lying!” Isabel yelled at Marley, and she slapped Marlene in the face, hard. “Uncle Lucas does it all the time to me! And I’m not a liar, Marlene Barba-Carisi! You are! You said your papi doesn’t do that but I saw him kiss and hug you, just like Uncle Lucas did to me! That’s how men teach girls to grow up, to kiss their privates! Everybody does it! Uncle Lucas told me so!”

Isabel was crying, a red faced, wet, snotty cry, and Marley was gasping for air like the time she’d seen Corrine. She grabbed for an empty paper bag on her desk and tried to breathe into it, but it was hard. All she wanted was Papi. He could fix this. He would know what to do.

Jesse had jumped up and was moving frantically between the two girls, eyes wide. “Isabel, it’ll be okay…”she said, grabbing the box of tissues and handing it to the little girl. “Marley, can you breathe?” she asked, and when Marley shook her head no, Jesse swung the door open. “Wait here, everybody...it’s gonna be okay,” she tried to reassure them, then took off.

She ran into the front room, but nobody was there, nor in the adjoining kitchen. “Uncle Sonny! Uncle Rafi!” she yelled loudly, sticking her head into the home office and again seeing no one. Rafael suddenly appeared from the bedroom in a tee shirt and sweats. “Marley can’t breathe,” Jesse told him quickly, and his face registered a look of shock. “And somebody hurt Isabel,” she added, but he had already passed her and was running down the hallway, barefoot, to his daughter’s room, calling her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.
> 
> Just a reminder, I tend to be incapable to write anything BUT a happily ever after ending, so keep that in mind whenever you feel angsty about a character. There's almost always a positive resolution ahead.
> 
> I wanted to point out that several "secrets" or untold information was revealed in this chapter other than Isabel's secret. We start out with Rafael and his insecurity in his marriage, which is not divulged to another person, but only to you, the reader. Then we have Camila confiding in the pain of losing contact with her mother as well as one of the struggles in her marriage. Sonny reveals the family "secret" that they don't talk about Miguel--Rafael's father--which, while it's somewhat of a joke, they really don't discuss openly. Then there's Jesse, who's twelve and has had her first kiss with a fourteen-year old boy, and her momma would KILL her! The argument certainly could be made that she's teetering on a very dangerous precipice. And the secret that Marley chose to keep--that Isabel thought Rafael was sexually abusing her. Lots of secrets here. Lots of pain and bonding and growth. And hopefully, soon, there will be some consequences for some folks.
> 
> As always, thanks so much for reading!


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallout.
> 
> ***TRIGGER WARNINGS: CHILD SEXUAL ASSAULT, HOMOPHOBIC LANGUAGE (brief)

Rafael held his ten-year old daughter on the couch as though she were a toddler again. Marley was pressed against him, head resting on his chest, and his arms were tightly around her. She’d just now drifted off to sleep, and it was nearing two in the morning. 

Sonny opened the front door and glanced at his family on the couch, a sad smile on his face. He closed and locked the door. “How’s she doing?” he asked, taking off his coat and shoes.

“Better. She’s just fallen asleep. The hospital said she’ll probably be exhausted tomorrow from the attack as well as the meds they gave her. Jesse’s asleep in her bed...she just went back a little bit ago, but said she was okay. You may want to check on her.”

Rafael had called an ambulance as soon as he saw his daughter. She was gasping for air and her pallor was gray; he was terrified she wasn’t able to breathe. He’d told Jesse to call Sonny, who was walking Pru, and he’d returned immediately. By the time the EMTs got there, the girls had calmed down, but everyone decided it was best to take Marlene to be evaluated since she was still short of breath. She was clinging to Rafael, unwilling to let go of him for a second, so he went with her without a second thought.

_ “Okay girls,” Sonny said gently, taking a seat on the couch, “what happened here?” _

_ Jesse looked at Isabel, whose gaze had immediately gone to the floor. Jesse moved closer to her, then sat down on the floor next to her and took her hand. “It’s okay, Isabel. You’re just a kid. Uncle Sonny was a police officer, like my mom, and he’ll help you. I promise.” _

_ Sonny’s eyes focused on the nine-year old in front of him, his gut suddenly aching. “Isabel, is there anything you need some help with? What’s going on?” _

_ The little girl’s brown eyes moved from Jesse to Sonny, then back to the floor. “Uncle Lucas makes me kiss him...and stuff,” she said quietly. “Marley got mad cause I thought her papi does that too.” Sonny steeled his expression, but not fast enough, because the little girl saw the look of disgust that crossed his face. “He kisses and hugs her, just like Uncle Lucas does to me! My daddy doesn’t do that...and he doesn’t make me kiss him anywhere else either, only Uncle Lucas.” Turning to Jesse, she asked, “Do you think Marley will ever be my friend again?” _

_ “Of course she will, honey,” Sonny answered for Jesse. “Isabel, have you told anyone about this? Your mom or your dad?” _

_ She shook her head. “Uncle Lucas said it’s our secret, cause he loves me. He says I’m his special girl.” She sighed, and Sonny thought she looked incredibly small. “I don’t mind kissing him, but then…” Isabel glanced up at Sonny, then looked back down, and her cheeks turned red. “Then he did stuff that hurt me in my privates. And I don’t like that.” _

_ “Isabel, we need to call your mom and dad, honey. This is a secret that isn’t okay to keep. We need to tell them what has happened,” Sonny told her, waiting for an argument. _

_ Isabel didn’t say anything for a minute. “Okay,” she finally agreed. “But you’re gonna be here, right?” Her brow furrowed and she looked down again. “What if they don’t believe me?” _

_ “I believe you,” Sonny told her firmly, leaning forward, elbows on his knees. “I believe you and that’s enough.” _

Sonny leaned over and kissed Rafael on the forehead, then Marlene on the top of her head, before heading back to Marley’s bedroom.

The lights were out with the exception of Marley’s nightlight, and he could see Jesse’s silhouette lying in his daughter’s bed. He stood in the doorway for a couple of minutes, until she turned over. “Is Isabel okay?” she asked softly, and he stepped into the bedroom, sitting on the corner of the bed.

“She’s going to be okay,” he reassured her. “Your mom and Aunt Livvy are helping her and her parents right now.”

“Okay. Good.” Jesse was quiet for a moment. “She’s just a little girl, still, Uncle Sonny...like Billie. Why did he do that to her?”

Sonny shook his head. “I don’t know, honey. Some people think it’s an illness that causes adults to be attracted to children. Regardless, it’s harmful. Some people have trouble controlling their impulses, or are not able to put anyone else’s welfare ahead of their own. The important thing right now is that Isabel won’t be abused by this man anymore, and hopefully she’ll get any help she might need.” He patted the comforter where it covered Jesse’s leg. “Jesse, you helped someone tonight in a very important way. I’m incredibly proud of you, honey. If it weren’t for you, Isabel would still be carrying around this secret, and Lucas would still be hurting her.”

“She said Uncle Rafi was doing it to Marlene, and that she knew because Uncle Rafi hugs and kisses Marley. That’s what got Marley Mae so upset, Uncle Sonny. She hit Isabel on the leg, and Isabel slapped her in the face.” Her eyes met his in the dark. “Uncle Rafi doesn’t do that, does he? He’s never done anything creepy to me.”

Sonny shook his head. “No, honey. I believe Marley. I think Isabel just didn’t want to believe that Lucas had lied to her, that not all men do that with little girls. Did you think that was true?”

“No. And Marley got so upset and said it wasn’t true. But Isabel shouldn’t be sayin’ things like that about people either if it isn’t true, right? Momma says that can get adults into trouble if kids lie about that stuff. BIG trouble.”

“You’re right. She shouldn’t. But I think it was just a misunderstanding on her part.” He patted her leg again. “Your momma asked if you were okay to stay here tonight, and I told her yes. She said to tell you that she loves you very much and is very proud of you, too.”

“I don’t feel proud,” Jesse replied quietly. “I just feel sad.”

Sonny nodded. “I understand. I kinda feel that way myself. You need anything else? Marley’s asleep on the couch.”

She shook her head. “I’m okay, Uncle Sonny. Goodnight. I love you.”

Sonny stood up, then leaned over to kiss her temple. “I love you too, honey. Goodnight.”

_ Uncle Sonny had told her to watch TV in his bedroom while he talked to Isabel’s parents. She’d started out there, but when she heard them arrive, she snuck into the hallway to listen. _

_ Isabel’s mom was crying. Jesse peeked around the corner and saw Isabel’s dad holding her mom as they sat on the couch. Isabel sat away from them, chewing her nail, as Uncle Sonny sat in the recliner, trying to explain some things about charges and the police and what needed to happen next. “I just can’t believe Lucas would do this,” her mom kept saying. “We’ve always been so close...I told you earlier today, Sonny, how his wife stepped in when my mom left. I was there all the time when I was a teenager and he never tried anything with me! I can’t believe…” She turned to look at her daughter. “Isabel? Are you sure Uncle Lucas did this to you?” _

_ Isabel looked down and shrugged. _

_ “Isabel,” her father said suddenly, voice deep and firm, “your mother asked you a question, and this is very important. Did Lucas touch you inappropriately? I expect the truth, young lady.” _

_ Jesse saw Isabel sit up a little more, and then she heard her soft answer. “Yes sir,” she responded. “I’m sorry, Daddy.” _

_ “You’re sure?” _

_ Isabel nodded. “Yes sir.” _

_ Jesse watched as the man turned to his wife. “Isabel doesn’t lie, Camila.” Looking at Sonny, he said, “You’re an ADA, correct? What do we do from here? Lucas has violated my daughter and he will get away with it over my dead body.” _

_ “Enzo, don’t say that,” Camila wept on his shoulder. “I don’t know why he would do this...Lucas is a good person…” _

_ “The next step is to report it, and then we’ll need to take Isabel to the hospital to have an exam. If you’re ready, I can call the SVU captain, and she can meet us at the precinct.” Jesse wondered if her mom would be there too. _

_ “We’re ready,” Enzo replied. “Isabel, please get your things. We are going with Sonny to file a report.” Turning to his wife, his voice softened. “I know this is difficult for you, but it has to be done. Are you coming with us or should I have Fred drive you home?” _

_ Camila shook her head. “Have Fred take me home. I just can’t...I can’t understand…” _

_ Enzo stood. “I’ll get Camila settled in our car, and then I’ll be back and ready to go. Isabel, please wait here with Sonny. I expect you to be ready when I get back up here.” He led his wife by the elbow to the door, until she turned to her daughter. _

_ “Isabel,” her mother said tearfully, gazing at her daughter. Then she shook her head again and let Isabel’s father lead her out of the apartment. _

_ Jesse watched Isabel stand alone, staring at the door her parents just walked out of, and her heart began to race in her chest. She thought about all the times in her life that she’d been hurt by someone, and how her own momma had never, ever walked out on her. Sometimes she got mad at Amanda and sometimes she didn’t even like her, but Amanda had always been there, no matter what. “Come on, Isabel,” she said loudly, walking into the front room. She stepped up to the little girl and wrapped an arm around her. “Let’s get your stuff like your dad said.” She turned to look at Isabel head-on, and then she said, “It’s gonna be okay. I promise. I’ll help you. We’re friends.” Jesse led Isabel to Marley’s room and helped her pack up her roller bag quickly. Once it was packed, Jesse motioned to Isabel. “C’mon.” _

_ But Isabel didn’t move, and when Jesse turned around, the little girl was sniffling and shaking. “I’m scared, Jesse.” _

_ “I know you are. I’d be scared too. But Uncle Sonny will help you, and he’ll take you to my mom, and she’s really really good at her job. She’ll help you too. I promise, Isabel, okay?” Isabel’s little arms flung themselves around Jesse’s shoulders, and Jesse felt the little girl shaking against her. She hugged her back tightly, until she heard the front door open and Enzo enter the apartment. _

Jesse wondered if Isabel had told her momma all of the truth, and what would happen to this Lucas guy. Then she forced her thoughts to Reid, and his pretty smile, and how he said he liked her. And she finally drifted off to sleep, just minutes before Marley shuffled in.

“You sure you want to sleep in here?” Rafael asked her. “You can sleep wherever you want tonight. It’s up to you.”

Marley turned around to face him. “With Jesse. Thanks, Papi…” she hesitated for a moment, thinking about the whole night. “Are you gonna be okay? They aren’t gonna come take you, are they?”

Rafael stepped toward her again, smiling gently. “Remember what we talked about, honey? That it’s going to be okay because we both know I haven’t done anything wrong?” He wasn’t that naive, but he prayed that she was, and he kept that smile convincingly on his face until she nodded. “Okay then. Go ahead and climb in bed...try not to wake up Jess, okay?”

She smiled. “Okay, Papi,” she told him as she carefully climbed next to Jesse, then reached down to pet Pru. “Wait, Papi! Huggy, please…” He reached over to hug and kiss her goodnight, and the irony that he was committing the very action that could potentially bring charges against him was not lost. “I love you so much, my papi.”

“Te amo, mi princesa, mi preciosa...goodnight, honey.” Rafael stood and quietly left the room, and Marley watched as he left.

_ She was lying in a bed in the emergency room, receiving a nebulizer treatment. The doctor had already examined her and was explaining to Papi that she had a kind of asthma that was triggered primarily by anxiety. She tried to listen some, but she was so tired. All of her energy had gone toward breathing, and normally she was asleep by eleven at night anyway. _

_ She felt Papi reach over and take her hand in his, and she opened her eyes. She could see the worry there. She remembered in the ambulance when she was gasping for breath, how terrified he’d looked. She’d never seen that look on her papi’s face before, and it was awful. She thought she was going to die, and Papi would blame himself forever. _

_ The nurse came in and turned the nebulizer machine off, then assured them the doctor would be finishing up his prescriptions and discharging them soon. “Thank you,” Papi told her kindly, forcing a smile, and Marley thought again how nice and kind her papi always tried to be. _

_ “I need to tell you something,” she said once the nurse had left the room, “but it’s private.” _

_ He looked confused. “Do you want to talk about it when we go home? Does it have to do with your breathing?” _

_ Marley shook her head, and Rafael nodded. “Okay, well whenever you want to talk about it, I’m here. Is it about what got you so upset?” _

_ “Yeah.” She took his hand in hers again, examining his long fingers. They were much longer than hers, even though she was almost eleven now. “I’ll tell you when we go home.” _

_ They were discharged shortly after, with a prescription for an inhaler and a promise from Rafael to follow up with a psychiatrist as soon as possible, since antidepressants are the best medical route for children with anxiety. The uber ride home was short and quiet, with Marley mainly snuggled into her papi’s side. _

_ When they got back inside, Jesse was on the couch watching the movie Grease. It made Marley smile because she knew how much Jesse loved that movie. She wanted to be Sandy AFTER the wardrobe change. Despite the fact her friend was there, Marley still curled up against her papi, hesitant to let him go at all. “Can I tell you now?” she finally asked, looking up at his face. _

_ “Huh? What?” he asked,taking a minute to figure out what she was referring to. “Oh, yeah. Okay...do we need to go in the other room?” He wasn’t sure if Jesse could hear whatever Marlene was going to tell him. _

_ She shook her head no, though, so he nodded at her. “Okay, honey...what is it?” _

_ Marley looked at Jesse, who met her gaze, then looked down, knowing this was awkward. “Isabel’s uncle is doin’ stuff to her--” _

_ Rafael nodded. “I know, sweetie. Daddy texted me. They’ve gone to the precinct to file a report. Is that what you wanted to tell me...what got you so upset?” _

_ “Not completely.” Marley’s hand went up to her mouth and she began to bite on a nail. “I guess that guy Lucas hugs and kisses her too. And she saw you kiss and hug me, and she said…” _

_ Rafael stiffened involuntarily. He knew what was coming before she said it. He thought back to the time one of Gina’s boyfriends of the moment accused him and Sonny of being “freakin’ sick chomo faggots” after a lot of liquor, many years ago. He’d felt sick then, and his stomach was rolling on itself now. _

_ “She said you prolly do that stuff with me, cause you kiss and hug me too. I got so mad, Papi. Last time she was here, she asked me if you did that and I yelled at her and told her that was called child molesting and you would never do that to anyone, ‘cause you’re a good man and the best papi ever. And I said never say that again. But then tonight...she said her Uncle Lucas was getting her ready to be a woman, and she kissed his penis--” _

_ “Well, she didn’t actually say ‘penis’,” Jesse corrected. “I think she said ‘privates’ or something.” _

_ “But then she yelled that he told her all men do that to girls to teach them, and she saw you hug and kiss me like he does, so you must do that to me…” Marlene burst into tears again. “I told her the truth! I told her you’d never do that and you never have! I don’t wanna lose you because some dumb little girl got confused!” _

_ “Oh honey.” Rafael pulled her close, stroking her back as she sobbed on his shoulder. Jesse tried to appear uninterested, but at the same time she wondered what it was like to have a dad who would comfort you like that. _

_ “You’re not going to lose me, princesa,” Rafael said quietly. “I haven’t done anything wrong. It’s okay for people to express concerns, or if they have misunderstood. You and I both know that kind of thing is NOT okay, and I have never done anything like that and like you said, I never would. So we have nothing to worry about.” _

_ “What if she tells the cops? What if they make Aunt Livvy come and arrest you? What if they make Daddy take you to court?” she cried. _

_ “That’s not going to happen, sweetie. If Aunt Livvy came to question me, I’d tell her the truth, and so would you. Then she might ask some other people in our lives questions, and they would tell the truth too...people like Daddy and Abby, or Grammy, or even Mr. Ellis. And they would find out it wasn’t true, for sure. So it’s okay.” He was trying to convince himself as well. _

_ “Your papi’s right, Marley. Everybody knows you’ve got two great dads, no matter what anybody says. Isabel is confused, and she’s scared, and she’s little. It’s gonna be okay, though.” Jesse thought she’d never said the word “okay” so many times in her life. “Do you wanna go to bed now? I’ll go with you, if you want.” _

_ Marley shook her head. “I wanna stay here with you, Papi. Please?” She looked at Jesse. “I don’t want to leave my papi.” _

_ Jesse nodded. “Okay. Is it okay if I sleep in your bed with Pru?” _

_ “Yeah. She’ll try to lick your feet, but don’t let her. Tell her stop.” Marley yawned. _

_ “Kay. G’night.” Jesse headed down the hall. _

_ “Goodnight, Jesse,” Rafael called after her, then turned back to Marley. “Pru licks your feet? That’s so gross!” _

_ “She likes it,” Marley told him, yawning again. “She’s a weird dog. I love her so much.” _

Marley reached down now, gently scratching Pru’s head before she drifted off to sleep. Pru woke up, giving a soft snort, and hopped down from the bed. She waddled softly through the apartment to the kitchen, stopping for some water in her bowl.

“Needed a drink too, huh, girl?” Sonny said, leaning down to pet the dog. She stopped and looked up at him, then followed back to the master bedroom where Rafael was sitting on his side of the bed, head hanging low.

“It’s going to be okay,” Sonny soothed, handing him the glass of water. “I promise. Besides, I know a great lawyer--”

“It’s not funny tonight, Son,” Rafael replied, his voice heavy and tired.

“You’re right, it’s not. Can I at least hold you?” Sonny asked, getting into bed. Pru climbed up the steps onto the bed with them, and settled at the foot.

“Jesus, yes. Please. Of all the things to be accused of…” Rafael willingly curled up into his husband’s embrace. “I’d never hurt that child. I love her more than life itself. You and her, that’s all that matters…”

“Shh,” Sonny told him. “Let me hold you. I love you, handsome. You’re a good man.” He was silent for a moment, then chuckled. “Remember that time Gina’s boyfriend of the minute accused us of adopting her for our own little Pizzagate?”

“How can you laugh about that?” Rafael asked. 

“Because it was so ridiculous, Rafael! Remember how every single person there was like, what the fuck, dude? There’s just some things that are so ridiculous on their face that you KNOW they’re untrue. This is one of those things, Rafael. You don’t have an abusive or unhealthy bone in your body toward that child, and anyone can see that.” Sonny kissed his temple. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Rafael poked him in the stomach. “If you say so.”

Sonny pinched Rafael’s hip gently. “I do. Now stop trying to feel me up with your weird pokes.”

“Fine.” Rafael rubbed his face over Sonny’s chest until Sonny was trying not to laugh. “I love you, Soleado. As long as it’s the three of us, I’m okay.” 

The dog let out a sudden, quiet  _ plip  _ of a fart, and Sonny said, “You mean four. The four of us.”

“Whatever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.
> 
> A couple notes on this chapter:
> 
> Antidepressants actually are the most effective medicine in treating anxiety in children, particularly SSRIs, in extreme cases where children need a prescribed medication. As with adults, when paired with talk therapy, patients can experience a huge benefit. In the comments section, there is a great comment from a reader addressing the dangers of using antidepressants with minor children. I realize in hindsight that I did not address this at all in my notes, but her comment and my response cover this pretty well. Please know that prescribing any drugs for mental health in children should be a last resort and tends to be more accepted in the US, where we overmedicate our kids. Bottom line, long term affects to brain development are not known.
> 
> There also really is such a thing as anxiety-produced asthma where anxiety causes the breathing tubes to swell and inflame. If you've followed this AU, you're aware that Marlene has struggled with anxiety since early childhood. This is the first time, however, that she's been diagnosed with asthma. She had a full blown attack like this earlier in the year upon meeting her birth mother. Her worst fear has always been being taken away from Rafael and Sonny, which is why she responded the way she did last chapter when Isabel asked if Rafael had ever abused her. 
> 
> If you ever have a suspicion that a child is being abused, you can report it to your local child protection agency or you can call 1-800-4A-CHILD. You may also visit www.childhelphotline.org. The process is simple and anonymous, but may save a child's life. As a child survivor, I can attest to how critical it is for people to speak up. Even if there isn't enough for charges to be pursued currently, a paper trail is started, and the next time something is reported there may be enough for authorities to move forward.
> 
> Kudos and comments are so terrific. Thanks so much for reading!


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mateo let out a long, heavy sigh as Lucia held his hand. “My brother has been arrested for child sexual abuse. Of mi preciosa, mi nieta Isabel, Rafael. Camila called me. She was devastated. She doesn’t believe Lucas could do such a thing, and Rafael, he is my brother. I’ve known him my whole life. I love him like part of me. But my Isabel?” Mateo’s face suddenly crumbled and he began to cry; Lucia pulled him close, pressing his face to her chest as he sobbed quietly.
> 
> “He’s dedicated his life to children,” Luca said quietly as Mateo continued to cry. “The thought of his own brother doing this to his granddaughter is horrific.”
> 
> *****
> 
> Mateo and Camila both struggle with the news about Lucas, and Rafael finds out he's about to be the focus of an investigation by Child Protective Services.

“This couldn’t have waited until working hours?” Rafael asked as he opened the door for his mother and her fiance.

“No, it couldn’t. Besides, it’s almost eight--” Lucia started, but Mateo interrupted her.

“Rafael, por favor...we need your help... _ I  _ need your help.” The man looked exhausted, rings under his eyes, face drawn. Rafael nodded and motioned for them to come in and sit.

“How can I help you?” he asked Mateo.

Mateo let out a long, heavy sigh as Lucia held his hand. “My brother has been arrested for child sexual abuse. Of mi preciosa, mi nieta Isabel, Rafael. Camila called me. She was devastated. She doesn’t believe Lucas could do such a thing, and Rafael, he is my brother. I’ve known him my whole life. I love him like part of me. But my Isabel?” Mateo’s face suddenly crumbled and he began to cry; Lucia pulled him close, pressing his face to her chest as he sobbed quietly.

“He’s dedicated his life to children,” Luca said quietly as Mateo continued to cry. “The thought of his own brother doing this to his granddaughter is horrific.”

Rafael nodded. He’d had several thoughts about Marlene, and how devastated he would be if anyone in their inner circle ever violated her. “But Mateo, this is not your fault. Child predators are extremely clever and manipulative, and terrific at hiding what they’re doing. They tend to pick victims that are quiet and unlikely to tell what’s going on.”

“But I don’t understand,” Mateo shook his head and wiped his face with a tissue. “Lucas is fifty-nine years old. How could he have become a child molestor now?”

Rafael didn’t know how to break the news to Mateo that in all likelihood, his brother had been doing this for years and just hadn’t been caught. “I don’t know. You’d probably have to ask him how this happened. What I do know is that Isabel needs a lot of support and love right now. One of my friends has a lot of experience in working with and advocating for victims. I could have her give you a call and talk with you, if you want?” He felt the couch sink down next to him as Sonny took a seat. Rafael turned to him. “Don’t you think Liv would be a good person to talk with?”

“She is, but she’s also involved in your granddaughter’s case,” Sonny explained. “Olivia Benson is the captain of Manhattan SVU, and she is very knowledgeable. She can definitely help in many ways, but there may be some things she can’t talk with you about because Isabel is a minor, and those decisions need to be made by her parents.” Sonny glanced at Rafael for a second, then asked, “How is Camila this morning?”

Mateo shook his head sadly. “She’s devastated. She doesn’t know what to think. I told her, and Enzo has told her, that Isabel is not a liar. If mi nieta says it happened, then it happened. But Camila...she doesn’t want to believe Lucas could do such a thing. Neither do I, but I believe my granddaughter...I have to.”

Rafael nodded. “It may also be that Camila is having trouble with the fact that she didn’t know and didn’t protect Isabel. If something like this happened to Marlene, I think I would be so angry with myself. Keeping our children safe is so important to us, and to realize that somebody got past us...that’s a hard thing to accept.” He felt a little hand on his shoulder and turned his head to see Marlene next to him, still wearing her pj’s from the night before. She climbed into his lap and rested her head on his shoulder, and he absently kissed her forehead. “We had a long night last night, too,” he said. “By the way, your granddaughter has been diagnosed with asthma. She had an attack last night. We ended up at Mercy.”

“Oh, nieta!” Lucia said softly. “Do you feel any better this morning?”

Marley nodded. “How’s Isabel? Is she with her mom and dad? Do they believe her?”

Lucia and Mateo looked at each other in confusion. “Nieta, how do you know about this?”

Sonny patted his daughter’s knee before she could speak. “Isabel told the girls last night, Abby. That’s how it came out. Then when Rafael took Marley to the hospital, Jesse and Isabel talked with me. Jesse was an amazing friend to your granddaughter, Mateo. I’m so proud of her...she held Isabel’s hand and comforted her through the whole thing.”

Mateo looked from Lucia to Sonny. “I...I don’t know Jesse, but that’s wonderful that she had a friend to help her.”

“Is she okay today?” Marley asked again. “I think she was scared people won’t believe her. Right, Papi?” Her eyes met his for confirmation of all they’d talked about, and he smiled gently and nodded.

“Marlene,” Lucia said firmly, “Isabel is doing better, but she is going to need a lot of love and support from the people who love her, honey. You’ve become her friend, and she’s going to need that.”

Marley listened to her abuelita, still feeling a bit betrayed and worried, but her papi gave her a tight squeeze and another kiss to the forehead. “I think Marlene understands,” he said to his mother, and after meeting his gaze, she nodded with certainty.

“Now who’d like coffee and cinnamon rolls?” Sonny asked, standing. As the adults all agreed on coffee, Sonny tagged Marlene to come into the kitchen to help with the rolls. He handed her the pan and she got out the refrigerated dough, then started working. After a few moments, with the buzz of conversation steady in the next room, he elbowed her gently. “I know you’ve been afraid for your papi,” he said quietly. “You don’t need to be. I trust you, Marley, and I know if anyone ever hurt you, that you would tell one of us, right?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I have, Daddy. When I got picked on when I was little, I told you. But nobody’s ever beat me up or...you know, touched me in private places. No matter what Isabel said.”

Sonny nodded. “I believe you. And I don’t want you to worry, dolly, because there’s no reason to.” He stopped what he was doing and turned to face her. “I understand why you were upset, and why you didn’t mention that conversation to us, although I wish you had. But there is nothing for you to worry about, sweetheart, okay?”

She nodded again, then helped Sonny get the rolls in the oven.

***

Around one, there was a knock at the door. It was Amanda, there to pick up Jesse.

“Hello, my sweet girl. I am so proud of you,” she greeted her firstborn, hugging her tiredly. “You’re a good girl, Jesse Noel Rollins. A very good girl.” She kissed her daughter’s temple. She wasn’t able to kiss the top of her head anymore--Jesse was only a couple inches shorter than her mother.

“Thanks, Mom.” Jesse smiled awkwardly. It felt odd to take praise for helping a child who was still in so much pain. “I just hope her mom believes her.”

“Me too, baby.” She combed her fingers through Jesse’s hair, then turned to Rafael on the couch. “You doing okay? I hear Marley had an exciting night.”

“Oh, we all did,” Rafael told her. “Then my mom and Mateo came over early this morning, so everyone is running on fumes and coffee, but we’ll make it.”

“Hey Jess, go and get your things from Marley’s room and give us a minute, okay?” Amanda directed, and Jesse nodded, then headed back down the hall to Marlene’s room. Amanda took a seat on the couch next to Rafael.

He sighed, then said, “I know what this is, don’t I? When do you need me to come in? And what about Marlene?”

Amanda shook her head. “Liv is trying to figure out what steps need to be taken and by whom, since you’re family members of the SVU ADA. You know it’s just procedure, Rafael. A child mentioned in her statement that she thought you were sexually abusing your daughter. We  _ have  _ to address it. I just wanted to give you a heads up, because Liv was working on it when I left. Nobody believes it’s actually credible...but since it’s there, we’ll need to go through the motions to demonstrate we did our jobs. Do you have another place you can stay for a few days, just in case they ask you to?”

Something heavy gripped his heart, and he quickly realized it was fear. “Uh, my mom’s? Or I can go to a hotel…”

“And you don’t have any interactions with Lucas Arroyo, do you? I know your mom is marrying his brother, but--”

“No,” Rafael replied firmly. “I don’t spend time with Lucas Arroyo. Are they going to want my laptop and my cell phone too?”

She sighed. “Maybe. It’ll depend on whether it stays with child protective services to investigate or if they bump it up to a police investigation. And Rafael...it won’t be us. You’re too close to the squad. That’s why Liv was calling the chief of D’s earlier. To find out how they want to proceed.”

Rafael’s mouth was dry. “Does Sonny know about all of this?”

“No,” she replied. “It wasn’t decided until after he left this morning.”

Rafael nodded,swallowing heavily. “Look,” Amanda continued, as quietly and honestly as she could, “I know this is damn scary shit. But I also know you. My best guess? Child services will contact you within the next twenty four hours and MAYBE ask you to stay somewhere else for a few days. They’ll interview the three of you, possibly a few more friends and family, and then decide it’s fine for you to come home. It’ll be done within a week. Crossing t’s and dotting i’s and all that stuff.”

Just then, Jesse and Marlene appeared from the back of the apartment. “Hey Auntie Manda,” Marlene greeted her, giving the woman a tight hug. “Is Billie still with her daddy?”

“She is,” Amanda confirmed, “and Jesse and I need to head home. It’s been a long day for me.”

Rafael stood and walked them to the door. “Thank you, Amanda,” he told her, nodding stiffly, and she reached over and squeezed his shoulder, giving what he assumed was supposed to be an encouraging smile.

“Y’all have a good afternoon,” she said, and she and Jesse headed out the door.

Rafael wasn’t sure what to do at that moment, but fortunately his ringing phone saved him from having to make any choices. “Um, I need to take this...privately,” he told Marley, and she shrugged, then ran back to her room. He went into the home office, then shut and locked the door. “Hello?”

“Hey, Rafa. It’s Liv,” she began, and he quickly pulled out a pen and paper to take notes. 

She explained that Isabel had indeed mentioned him in her statement. The child did not say she believed he was assaulting Marlene; instead, she said that she thought he might because he hugged and kissed his daughter. Isabel had been very clear that she had not seen anything else improper. Olivia had thought the social worker was going to let it rest, but after Sonny left, the social worker had returned to Olivia’s office. “She wants an interview with both you and Marlene,” Olivia explained. “Since Lucas hasn’t confessed yet, she would want those interviews with the two of you anyway, about Isabel. But I wanted you to know that she is treating Isabel’s statement as a complaint of potential child abuse. Now, she’s supposed to tell you that, but whether she does or not is anyone’s guess.”

“So what do I need to do now?” he asked, trying to calm his nerves.

“Wait for her to call. Be cooperative and polite. Keep in mind that as hard as this is for you, this is her job, and it’s to make sure Marlene is protected, okay?” 

“Yeah, okay. Do I tell Marley about it now or wait?”

“That’s up to you,” Liv told him,”but knowing about Marlene’s anxiety issues, I would wait, personally.” She was quiet for a minute. “Not to speak unkindly of your soon to be sister, but you know she doesn’t believe her daughter, right?”

Rafael sighed. “I think we’re all hoping she just needs a little time.” He paused for a moment. “The abuse,” he finally asked, “how bad was it?”

“You know I can’t tell you that,” she said, “but hypothetically, you know, some children go along with many things until something changes. In some cases, it’s when the abuse becomes painful.”

“Jesus,” he sighed again. “So this wasn’t a short term thing, was it?” 

His mind suddenly veered back to the New Year’s party when Lucia and Mateo had invited over all of their family and friends. There had been fifty or sixty guests, families including children, and he and Sonny had brought Marlene. Lucas had spent a good amount of time with some of the kids, including Marlene, playing games with them. He had a sudden clear memory of walking by after refilling his wine glass. It was Marley’s turn to use the game controller and the kids were watching and cheering her on. Lucas was behind her in the chair, rubbing her shoulders, his hands under the thick fabric of her hoodie…

“Liv, I’ve got to go!” he rushed out, hanging up the phone and shoving it in his pocket. He tore out of the office and down the hall, throwing her bedroom door open without even a knock.

Marley was lying on her bed, reading a novel. “Papi?”she asked, suddenly frightened by his demeanor. “What’s wrong?”

“On New Year’s Eve,” he gasped, “when you were playing that video game, and Lucas was rubbing your shoulders, did he--”

“No!” she answered quickly, sitting up. “He just rubbed my shoulders. It was annoying so I told him to stop, and he did.”

He felt the air collapse out of his system and sank down into the chair at her desk. “Okay,” he replied, then looked at her again. “Are you sure? You aren’t in any trouble, honey--”

“I’m positive, Papi,” she told him earnestly. “If he had done anything, I woulda kicked him in the nuts and then told you and Daddy!”

He held a hand to his forehead, then gave a shaky laugh. “In the nuts, huh?”

“Balls,” she clarified. “Balls, nuts, whatever.”

“You can tell me anything, princesa. Anything.” His hand reached out and squeezed hers.

“I know Papi,” she replied, squeezing back. “Thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Child sex abusers frequently get away with their crimes for a number of reasons, one being that children are easily manipulated into silence. Other reasons may include that children aren't believed, and that laws to protect children aren't as protective as they may need to be. Most people who sexually abuse children are serial abusers, meaning they have several victims. They generally have a particular age and gender they are drawn to (though not always), and when a child "ages out", the perpetrator will move on to another child in the age category. Because of this aspect of the crime, along with it being so underreported, some abusers can rack up numerous victims. I once read that the average child sex abuser has eight victims. That's a lot of kids.
> 
> Which moves me on to the part of this story that had to happen. Rafael's name ends up in Isabel's story because of her misperceptions regarding affection. Investigations that are unfounded happen all the time. It's scary as hell,but the purpose is to ensure the protection of children. For anyone who might lose sleep, I'll tell you right now that Rafael will not be charged with anything. He hasn't committed a crime. Yes, I do know people are found guilty who are innocent, but that doesn't happen here, so I promise it'll be okay!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, commenting, and kudo'ing. I really appreciate it!


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She folded her hands on top of her notebook. “I’ve spoken to your husband, you, and your daughter, as well as Captain Benson and Detective Rollins, and at this time, I’m going to recommend that we rule this case as not founded and close it. You’ll receive something in the mail in the next week or so stating that the case is closed, with a ruling of unfounded. As you know, this is confidential, so you don’t need to share any of it with future employers or anyone else. If you have any questions, though, or if you remember anything else about Lucas or want to share anything about him, you can call me.” She fumbled around in her desk for a second, then reached over and handed him a card. “I know this has been a difficult conversation, but I do appreciate you coming in today.”
> 
> *****  
> Child Protective Services visits the Barba-Carisi home and interviews Rafael and Marlene the next day. Marlene shares some of the reasons she thinks her papi is the "best ever" and why Lucas would never get away with hurting her. Then Rafael is interviewed, and recalls a memory that, in hindsight and given context, becomes incredibly disturbing.
> 
> TW: Discussion and descriptions of child sexual assault and grooming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Discussion and descriptions of child masturbation, child sexual abuse and grooming. Please practice self-care and avoid if this is potentially unsafe for you.

“It’s okay,” Sonny soothed him. “We don’t have to talk about it at all right now.”

It was almost midnight and Rafael was beyond exhausted. They had received a home visit earlier in the evening from a CPS worker named Dana Jay, who was assigned to their case. She was polite and friendly, looked around their home, and then set up times to interview Rafael and Marlene separately, the next day. Rafael had been polite and cooperative, just as Liv had instructed, but Marlene had gotten anxious. She ended up using her inhaler shortly after the worker left. Sonny volunteered to help her, but she wanted her papi. 

Once she had fallen asleep, he quietly left her room. On rare occasions when she’d been upset in the past, he’d allowed himself to doze in her bed next to her. Not now. The thought that someone might think he was being inappropriate sickened him. He went to the master bathroom, vomited, then brushed his teeth and tried to clear his head. Sonny had joined him shortly thereafter.

“They think I might’ve abused her. They think I’m capable of that shit, Sonny. I’d rather claw my own eyeballs out. I’d rather...I’d rather--”

“Nobody that knows you thinks that. That’s not you,” Sonny affirmed, kissing Rafael’s forehead. Sonny was naked, tangling his legs with Rafael’s clothed ones, and Rafael shook his head.

“What are you trying to do?” he asked, trying to twist away from Sonny. “You think I wanna do it right now? I feel disgusting…”

“Stop it,” Sonny said quietly. “I was trying to love on you a little bit, but if you don’t want me to, I won’t.” Sonny let Rafael untangle his legs, and the older man finally stilled next to him.

“I’m scared,” Rafael finally admitted after a long while, and Sonny sighed heavily.

“Can I hold you?” Sonny asked. “I feel better when I can touch you.”

“Yeah.” Rafael let himself be molded against his husband’s body, then pressed his nose to Sonny’s shoulder and breathed deep. Sonny’s scent permeated his mind, and Rafael tried to allow himself to relax. “You know I’d never--”

“I know. Of course I know. Not only do I know you’d never do that, but I also know that if anyone was hurting her, Marlene would tell one of us, or tell Amanda, or one of our parents..or any one of a number of other safe people in her life. We may not be perfect parents, but I do think we have created a safe space for her, with lots of safe adults she can turn to if she needs to. Know what I mean?”

Rafael shuddered in his arms. “They could take her from us. They could throw me in jail. They--”

“Won’t do any of that.” Sonny cupped Rafael’s cheek with one hand, then stroked his hip with the other. Then he leaned in and brushed his lips across his husband’s before kissing him more fully, more deeply. “She’ll do her interviews, find nothing, and this will be over. There’s nothing to find, honey.” Sonny’s hand stroked the back of Rafael’s head. I’ll love you forever, Rafael,” he murmured, feeling the dampness of his husband’s tears on his shoulder. “I love you.”

***

“Hi Marlene. My name is Ms. Jay. Come on in and have a seat.”

Marley stood in the doorway of the playroom, hesitating. There was a table in front of her that was round and had some paper, markers, and playdough on it. She bit her lip, glancing at the lady, then slowly took a seat in front of the playdough.

Ms. Jay smiled at her. “Do you like playdough? You’re welcome to open it and use it, if you’d like.”

Marley pulled the top off. “I thought you wanted to talk with me about Isabel...and my dad.”

“Well,” Ms. Jay said, taking a seat next to her, “we can talk and use playdough at the same time, can’t we?”

Marley nodded, then pulled the dough out of its container. It was purple, reminding her of her papi. She started to knead it.

“So Marley, could you tell me if Isabel has ever mentioned her Uncle Lucas to you?” Ms. Jay had a notepad and a pen in front of her, and Marley wondered when she would pick it up.

“Yeah. She said he hugs and kisses her like my dad hugs and kisses me. But then she asked if my dad ever touched my privates, and I told her no, because he doesn’t.” Marley rolled a small ball, then began to press it flat with her index finger. “I also told her that’s called child molesting and it’s illegal and a bad way to hurt kids,” she said, then turned to look Ms. Jay directly in the eye. “Because it is. My dads both taught me that.”

Ms. Jay nodded, then began to write furiously on her notepad. 

“Isabel said her Uncle Lucas is teachin’ her how to be a grown woman, and he makes her kiss his penis. I don’t think she said the word penis, but she said something about his privates and that she kisses them. But my dads also say that we’re s’posed to call body parts by the right names.” The playdough was being pinched off bit by bit, into small pieces.

“I see. I understand you got very angry with Isabel. Can you tell me about that?”

Marley shrugged. “She tried to say Papi does that kinda stuff to me, just ‘cause he kisses and hugs me. I guess her dad doesn’t do that, but Lucas hugs and kisses her. So she thinks if a grown up man hugs and kisses you, he’s gonna child molest you too, I guess.” Marley grabbed up the small balls she’d made, and squeezed them into one big chunk. “I got mad ‘cause my papi would never hurt me like that. He loves me so much. He and Daddy tell me all the time how much they love me. When I was a little girl and Daddy was a policeman and had to go under….under something, you know, when they pretend and catch the bad guys? Well, when Daddy had to go, Papi always stayed with me and took care of me. When I was four or five, Papi quit bein’ an ADA so he could stay with me and be just a papi for awhile. He still worked a little bit, but he wanted to take me to school and to pick me up each day. Do you know almost no other dads in my whole school do that? And you know what else he did? Just a few months ago...when my birth mom told me she didn’t want me, Papi took an uber all the way to the Bronx and brought me home. He didn’t even get mad. He just hugged me and told me how much he loves me and that I’ll always be his daughter. Even though I scared him and ran away to her house to see if I could be her kid, ‘cause I wanted a mom. I told Isabel, you don’t tell those stories on people that don’t do that. You could really hurt them. And I don’t ever want my papi to be taken away from me. That’s not fair ‘cause he’s a great dad and he never does bad stuff. He’s the best dad I’ve ever seen.”

“He sounds pretty amazing,” Ms. Joy responded, realizing that it was quite likely nothing illegal had happened here. “You think he’s the best, huh?”

Marley rolled the playdough again, then glanced up at the social worker. “I once saw this show on TV about this family that had, like, so many kids. The dad had three boys and the mom had three girls--”

“The Brady Bunch?” Ms. Joy asked, recalling the show from her childhood.

“Yeah, maybe. And one of the girls wrote a letter about how great her new dad was, and he won a prize and stuff, ‘cause of her letter. But he wasn’t being that great ‘cause he punished her just cause she was tryin’ to mail the letter she wrote. She snuck outside at night and he caught her, and she didn’t wanna tell him what she was doing. Papi is better than that dad--”

Ms. Jay interrupted her. “You don’t think Jan, the girl, should have been punished? Didn’t she sneak out at night by herself?”

“I think Papi’s better ‘cause he makes sure I know how to ask other people for help, like him or Daddy, or somebody else. That way i’d never get into trouble mailing a letter...I know to ask another grownup to mail it for me. He’s the best dad. Him an’ Daddy too.” She paused. “But you just wanna know about Papi, right?”

She smiled. “Today, yes. You sound like a lucky girl, Marlene. Does your papi ever do anything you don’t like?” she asked.

Marlene raised one eyebrow at her, as though she expected she was being tricked. “Of course he does. Doesn’t your dad do stuff  _ you  _ don’t like?”

Dana Jay had worked with children for a long time, but didn’t usually encounter ones so precocious, particularly not in interviews such as this. She gave in to the laugh in her chest and nodded. “Yes, he does. What does your papi do that you don’t like?”

“When he makes me turn the light off on the weekends when I’m not tired and I wanna read. Or sometimes he gets particular about me puttin’ my stuff away on time. And the parental controls he puts on my stuff sometimes are crazy. Like when my grandmother had breast cancer awhile back and I tried to look it up a couple months ago. I couldn’t because I typed ‘breast’ and parental controls said I couldn’t access it. He’s a little overprotective sometimes. You should see how his eyes about pop outta his head when I try to listen to certain music.” She got quiet for a moment then, and her voice was more serious when she spoke again. “Sometimes he doesn’t tell me stuff ‘cause I’m a kid and he wants to protect me. But I wish he knew I’m not such a little girl. I can handle some things. And sometimes, when stuff makes him sad, I wish he’d tell me so I could help him. Especially when Daddy’s busy working.” She paused again. “We’re a family. We’re a good family. My abuelita says Papi has a tender heart inside, and I think she’s right. He just...sometimes he really feels it when people are sad. Especially me or Daddy.” She paused again. “That’s called being an empath. Abby says me an’ Papi are both empaths, and it makes us special.”

Dana lay her pen down. “I can appreciate you wanting to know the things on your papi’s mind, Marlene, but it sounds like your papi is doing his job--just trying to protect you from things not appropriate for children. Let me ask you--do you know Lucas Arroyo?”

Marley nodded. “Mateo is gonna be my grandfather. He’s Lucas’ brother.”

Dana nodded. “And have you ever been alone with Lucas?”

She shook her head, then smiled. “You sound like my papi. He came running into my room the other day, afraid Lucas had touched me. But he didn’t. He rubbed my shoulders when we were all playin’ a game on New Year’s Eve, but that’s all. Not all us girls are like Isabel and get scared or won’t tell. My dads told me nobody has the right to hurt me, and I believe them.”

***

Rafael met with Dana Jay in her office at Children’s Services, after she finished with Marlene in the playroom. Marlene waited in the lobby, using the playdough that Ms. Jay had let her keep.

“That’s quite a little girl you’ve got there,” Dana began with, smiling at Rafael. Rafael was unsure of what to think by the woman’s demeanor, so he smiled politely and said, “We’re very proud of her.”

“You should be. She seems to understand personal boundaries and safety fairly well for her age. She made it very clear that she felt you walked on water, and I was ignorant if I thought otherwise. I was just wondering where you get your halo polished.” Rafael felt his mouth open in shock, unsure how to respond to her, but then she grinned. “Sorry. Bad joke. It’s just so rare I get to talk to a smart, typical kid who truly loves her dad. She’s obviously your number one fan.”

Rafael blushed a bit and tried to relax. “She’s a very good girl, and we love her very much. This has been difficult for all of us--”

“Yes, I know you mentioned she had an asthma attack triggered by the anxiety. I’m sorry that happened, and I’ll try to get you out and on your way as soon as I can here, but I have a couple questions.” At his nod, she began. “Have you ever had any sexual contact with your daughter or any other child?”

He shook his head. “No. Of course not.”

“Have you ever been accused of having unwanted sexual contact with anyone?”

“No,” he replied honestly.

She nodded. “And how long have you known Isabel Bataglia?”

“Um, a few months, maybe? My mother is getting ready to marry Isabel’s grandfather, but the two families were just introduced to each other recently...I think I just met Lucas on New Year’s Eve.”

She looked him in the eye. “Have you seen or heard of him being inappropriate with any children?”

“No, I hadn’t. If I had, I would have never allowed Marlene in the same building with him, never mind the same room, playing a video game.” Rafael still felt sick thinking about it.

“And have you had any opportunity to observe him with Isabel?” she asked.

“No, I don’t think...wait,” he said suddenly, and closed his eyes, trying to recall details from that night. “He did have her sitting in his lap a lot. I remember because she was in a dress and tights, and was straddling one of his legs. I noticed because it was a little odd...she kept shifting back and forth on his thigh, almost as if...” His voice slowed and he rested his head in one hand.

_ Deb was getting her things ready to go. He’d just gotten home and given his two-year old a kiss; Sonny should be home soon. He was focusing on the dinner Sonny’d be bringing when his mother-in-law suddenly said, “Marlene, please get off the edge of the couch. We don’t do that in front of other people.” _

_ He turned around in time to hear Marley give a big sigh. “Otay, Gwammy,” she said, moving onto the floor and beginning to work on her puzzle. _

_ Rafael was confused. He’d noticed his little girl lying on the edge of the couch recently, moving like a caterpillar. He figured she was playing, and he’d left her alone. “What’s the problem?” he asked. “She’s just playing caterpillar.” _

_ Deb’s eyebrow shot up, then she snickered. “If you think she’s pretending to be a caterpillar, you need an anatomy refresher, Rafael. She’s masturbating.” At his horrified expression, she added, “Oh honey, relax. All kids do it. I’ve just been telling her she can’t do it on your couch.” _

Rafael shook his head, realizing now that what he’d seen was sexual. When he spoke, his voice was shaky and he fought the nausea down. He’d seen a child abused. Right in front of him. “He didn’t stop her, but she did ask if she could get up, a few minutes later.” Rafael shook his head. “I didn’t realize...why didn’t I realize?”

Dana leaned forward. “Because normal people don’t expect to see a child masturbating on the leg of a grown man, and him not stopping it. Listen, Rafael, some people catch on to it quickly. Others, it takes awhile. It’s also part of grooming the family--making it seem normal for this kind of...shit, excuse my language...to go on. A lot of people are so shocked that it takes some time for them to process what they saw...they keep thinking it couldn’t possibly have been what they think it was, and they convince themselves good ole Uncle Joe is just a friendly guy who likes kids. I’m guessing it made you feel uncomfortable but you weren’t paying close attention, and you didn’t know why you felt that way.” That was true. He’d noticed, but then Marley had approached him about getting a drink, and he’d left the area. He hadn’t really thought about it again until now.. “He held on to her for a few more seconds, then let her go. Ms. Jay, I’m sorry but I need to excuse myself for a minute...I’m--”

She had the trashcan under him just as he leaned forward and puked. “It’s all right, Mr. Barba. It’s a common reaction. Give me a minute.” She stood and left the office for a moment, and he rested his head on his arm, on the edge of her desk. What kind of fool was he? He tried to recall if Lucas had even realized he’d seen, but he couldn’t remember. He remembered the man smiling, then noticing the little girl squirming in his lap.

“Shit.” He gagged again, hoping it was over and that he could leave soon. He found himself thinking about Marley and hoping she was doing okay in the lobby. He just wanted to get his daughter and go home, somewhere safe. Somewhere he could guarantee both of them would be okay, no questions and no awful memories.

“Okay.” Ms. Jay rejoined him. Handing him a few wet ones to clean up with, she asked, “Are you all right?”

“Yes,” he said, praying to God his stomach was done with its revolt. “Thank you.”

“I don’t have any more questions for you. Please feel free to rest if you need to, before you go.” She closed her notebook.

“So that’s it?” he asked. “What’s going to happen with me and Marley? Are you investigating me further or what?”

She folded her hands on top of her notebook. “I’ve spoken to your husband, you, and your daughter, as well as Captain Benson and Detective Rollins, and at this time, I’m going to recommend that we rule this case as not founded and close it. You’ll receive something in the mail in the next week or so stating that the case is closed, with a ruling of unfounded. As you know, this is confidential, so you don’t need to share any of it with future employers or anyone else. If you have any questions, though, or if you remember anything else about Lucas or want to share anything about him, you can call me.” She fumbled around in her desk for a second, then reached over and handed him a card. “I know this has been a difficult conversation, but I do appreciate you coming in today.”

“Thank you, Ms. Jay,” he replied, and shakily got to his feet. She opened the door for him. “Take care, Mr. Barba,” she told him as he exited to the waiting room. Marley was sitting at a table, idly rolling the playdough she had into a lopsided ball. Upon seeing him, a look of relief took over her face and she jumped up to greet him.

“Can we go now, Papi?” she asked, and he couldn’t help but wrap his arms around her.

“Yeah, we can go.” He squeezed her tightly, then guided them out the door, into the afternoon sunshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.
> 
> Just to be clear, I don't own SVU, its characters or storylines, nor The Brady Bunch. Although I do bet you probably never anticipated you'd read about SVU and the Bradys in one place!
> 
> If you have some time and you're interested, I'd like to recommend that you poke through some of the comments for this story. There have been some terrific comments from readers throughout that have been not only interesting but informative as well. 
> 
> And if you're waiting for Isaiah, hang in there. I promise he's coming...in some potentially significant ways!


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realizing his family needs a break, especially after the last week, Sonny takes Isaiah up on an offer to join his family at the beach for the weekend. Rafael has never told Sonny about his history with Isaiah, and isn't sure how he wants to handle it. But when Isaiah and his husband both share information that Sonny has told them, Rafael is once again shaken. Less than a year ago, they had split because of a fracture of trust. Can Rafael really trust Sonny again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, you ever have some really intense stuff go down and you need an absolute break from it for a minute or five? Well here we are! Truth is, your author here is on vacation (hmm, where could it be?) and decided to let the environment influence the next two chapters of this fic, before we get back to the gist of the story. Everyone needs a break sometime, and this also seemed like a great time to introduce Isaiah a little more here, as well as some of the conflict that's under the surface.
> 
> If you've never been to the OBX but get a chance to go, you really should. I've been coming a couple times a year since I was a kid, and it really is my happy place. Unfortunately, my dog is sick so I head home tomorrow, but have a little beach happy from me to you!
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments and kudos. If you've been keeping up with comments, then you probably are as blown away as I am with some of the insightful, educational, intelligent stuff here on this story. Reading your comments makes me feel like I made the right decision in writing this fic. I've held off for a long time in writing it because I wasn't sure how it would be received. I'm so glad it's out there now. You guys are awesome!

“I can’t believe you talked me into this,” Rafael said as Sonny headed down NC158 to the Outer Banks. 

“You need it. Hell, we all need it, Rafi. It’s only two days and then I’ll have both of you back. The wedding’s in three weeks and this couldn’t have come at a better time, you have to admit.” Sonny pushed his sunglasses higher up. “Even I’m stressed about how this is going to go. Is your mom still a hundred percent sure she wants to marry Mateo?”

“Why wouldn’t Abby marry Mateo?” Marley asked. “Because Lucas is a child molester? Mateo isn’t one, is he?”

“NO.” Both of her dads responded at the same time, firmly, and Marley sank back on her seat.

“Okay, okay. I was just askin’. I thought sometimes people in families do that stuff.” She twisted her finger around knuffle bunny’s ear.

“Sometimes they do, honey,” Rafael replied, more gently now. “But Mateo hasn’t done anything wrong and we don’t want other people to think or say bad things about Mateo because of what Lucas did. That isn’t fair. Understand? Also, this isn’t something that we talk about openly with everyone. It’s not a secret, but it’s private information about Isabel, okay? So let’s talk about other things with Isaiah’s daughter.”

“She’s like, four, Papi,” Marley replied, a bit sarcastically. “I doubt she’s gonna have a lot to say about anything.”

Sonny chuckled. “She might surprise you. When you were four, we couldn’t get you to stop talking.” 

It seemed like only yesterday that Marlene had been four. Rafael couldn’t believe he’d agreed to spend the weekend at the beach with Isaiah, his husband, and their daughter. He’d never told Sonny about that time he’d met Isaiah and kissed him, way back when, nor the fact that Isaiah’d shot him down. He wondered if the man remembered, or would remember upon sight. 

An hour later they’d pulled into the resort, equipped with tennis courts, indoor and outdoor pools, and hiking trails. “It’s in a maritime forest,” Sonny told Rafael. “We can’t see the beach but there’s a lot of wild animals around--look!” Two raccoons ran across the road in front of their SUV, and Marley squealed.

“Oh my God, Daddy! Real live raccoons! Do you think we’ll see anything else?”

“I don’t know,” Sonny answered. “Isaiah said there are foxes and rabbits and deer, sometimes opossums too, and lots of ducks and geese, like the ones we saw coming in.” He parked the car in a labeled spot, announcing, “Here we are, guys.”

As they were pulling their bags out of the SUV, Isaiah appeared, joined by a blonde-haired little girl in pigtails with freckles who looked nothing like him. “Glad you found us, Sonny!” he said, approaching the car and holding a hand out to Rafael. “Nice to meet you, Rafael. Isaiah Holmes, and this is Dinah, my daughter.”

Rafael shook his hand. “It’s good to meet you. Hello, Dinah,” he said, bending down to greet the child. “This big girl is my daughter, Marlene. Do you like the beach?”

Dinah nodded. “Yes I do, betause I wike to build in the sand. Hey mistuh guy? Does your big girl wike the sand? Betause my papa said maybe she will pway wif me.” She eyed Marlene up and down. “In the sand.”

“I can do that sometime, if your papa says it’s okay, and my dads say it’s okay,” Marley told her. “I gotta help my dads first, though.”

“Come on in, everyone,” Isaiah directed them, and they followed him up a flight of steps into a roomy condominium.

***

Rafael had forgotten how much he missed the beach.

Granted, he’d never lived there, but he’d spent enough summers in Miami with aunts and uncles and cousins that he felt like it was a part of him. The sun was high in the sky, the surf was loud and steady and beautiful, and he and Sonny were in comfortable lounge chairs in the sand, watching the waves. Well, technically, he was in a lounge chair watching the waves. Sonny was watching the girls building in the sand.

He watched as his husband coached the two, buckets dumped and patted, then shovels digging out moats around an imaginary castle. If Rafael was honest, little Dinah was probably the best architect of the three of them. Fortunately, though, everyone was in a good mood and when things fell over, the three laughed and tried to build again.

“Dinah is so happy to have help,” a man said, settling his chair in the sand next to Rafael. Extending a hand, he introduced himself. “I’m Henry, Dinah’s dad...Isaiah’s husband.”

Rafael squinted in his sunglasses to see the man in the mid afternoon sun. He was tall, blonde, and tan. He was in board shorts and flipflops, the same as Rafael, and Rafael suddenly felt a huge wave of self-consciousness hit. Whereas “dad bod” summed Rafael up fairly well these days, Henry was thin and toned and very attractive. He reminded Rafael of his first glance of Isaiah when they had arrived; despite the silver hair and looser clothing, Isaiah was clearly just as good-looking as he’d ever been. Maybe Isaiah had known something all those years ago, Rafael thought suddenly, and he fought the impulse to pull his tee shirt on. Instead, he shook the hand in front of him.

“Nice to meet you, Henry,” he replied, smiling. “Thank you so much for inviting us for the weekend. I’m not sure those two can help Dinah much with her building, though. She seems to be the one with the talent in that group!”

They both chuckled, and Henry took a seat in his chair, stretching back into the sun. “We absolutely love it here,” he said a few minutes later. “It’s beautiful, quiet in the off season. We make a point to come down a couple times a year. Do you all have anywhere you usually escape to?”

Did they? “No, we haven’t had anywhere regular,” Rafael admitted. “We’ve gone a few places...upstate New York once, Cape Cod. We took Marley to Disneyworld a few years ago, and we’ve been talking about taking her to DC now that she’s almost eleven.”

“That sounds fun.” The tone in his voice sounded as though Henry thought it was anything but. “Sometimes I just love having a vacation where the only purpose is to enjoy what’s around me. To relax and appreciate God. Isaiah and I wanted to make sure Dinah saw a lot of beautiful things outside of the city, you know? And I swear, I’m a better father for it, if that makes sense.”

“It does,” Rafael said, and it did. So rarely did he allow himself to decompress, to relax, to find peace or God or whatever it was in his surroundings. He was cheating Marlene out of that, he supposed. “Oh...have you met my husband, Sonny? Or Marlene, our daughter?”

“I’ve met Sonny...he’s been over several times for study dates.” Henry picked up his beer and took a long sip. “But I haven’t met your daughter--I’ve just heard how great she is, like you!” Henry grinned at Rafael then. “Sonny’s so madly in love with you. Isaiah and I always joke that you two are our relationship goals, the way Sonny talks. You two have some time on us, I think.”

Rafael was stunned. Sonny had never mentioned going to Isaiah’s home before, or meeting his husband. “We’ve been married for, uh, thirteen years or so,” he said, still trying to process all that Henry was telling him.

“See, we’ve been married for six. Dinah, she started out as mine. I was single and afraid I’d never have children, so I found a surrogate. She was pregnant with Dinah when I started to date Isaiah. The day we got married, Isaiah also legally adopted Dinah, and I knew our family was complete then. Isaiah is an amazing father, and he’s been there for her entire life. We got lucky.” Rafael could see the man watching his daughter with a proud smile on his face. She looked exactly like him--blonde hair, blue eyes, sharp nose, tall for her age and thin. For just a moment, he wondered what it would be like to see himself reflected in the face of his child.

“That sounds wonderful. Marlene is adopted, and we’ve been blessed with her as well,” Rafael said, unsure how much of his daughter’s story he wanted to tell. Just then, Marley stood, dusted off, and ran up to him.

“Hey Papi,” she greeted, dusting sand onto him. He grimaced. “Oh, sorry about that. Hey, Daddy and me and Dinah are gonna go to the pool so we can swim, if it’s okay with Mr. Henry.” She smiled at the man sitting next to him, then added. “Oh, I’m Marlene. It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Henry. My dad said I needed to introduce myself first, but I forgot.”

Henry chuckled. “That’s fine, honey. I’ll head over there with you all, since Dinah wants to go in. Know where you’re going?” At her wide eyes, he shook his head. “Never mind. I’ll take you.”

“I’ll be over in a bit,” Rafael told her, and she nodded, then ran back to Sonny and Dinah.

“It’s just up the steps and over the bridge,” Henry told him as he gathered his things. “And don’t forget your sunscreen...this sun will burn the fuck out of you if you’re not careful.”

Rafael nodded.  _ I’m Cuban, in North Carolina, already wearing SPF45 because my husband is whiter than a lily. I think I’ll survive. _ “I won’t forget. Thanks.”

***

“Son of a bitch,” he hissed as Sonny applied the aloe vera to his chest. 

Marley was on her knees on their bed, watching carefully. “Are you gonna be okay, Papi?” she asked, He turned his face to look at hers. Her beautifully darker face, darker than this morning but not red in the slightest, because her daddy had made sure to monitor her appropriately.

Son of a bitch.

“I’ll be fine, princesa,” he replied through gritted teeth. 

“Dolly, why don’t you go get dressed for dinner? You can go out to the deck and tell Isaiah and Henry that we’ll be there in a few minutes, as soon as I finish Papi’s shoulders.” Sonny sat up for a moment and looked at her. “And please tell them thank you for the aloe vera gel.”

“Okay, Daddy.” She stood and left the room, closing the door behind her.

“You okay?” Sonny asked, adding another layer of the gel to his husband’s shoulders.

Rafael sucked in his breath. “Yeah. I will be. I can’t believe I fell asleep.”

“I can’t either,” Sonny said, biting back a laugh. “And especially with your shirt as a blanket, crookedly covering one nipple.”

Rafael vaguely remembered pulling his shirt over him as the breeze blew on the ocean. It never occurred to him that he’d end up with a crooked burn line on the upper part of his chest. His shoulders, neck, clavicle and one nipple were angry red. The other was as pasty as a newborn. “Shut up,” he pouted as Sonny snickered. “I’m already humiliated enough, thank you very much. Why does this stuff always happen to me and not you?”

“Good question.” Sonny grabbed the cap to the aloe vera gel. “Need any more?”

“Not right now.” Rafael watched as his husband capped the gel, then stood and began to change back into his shorts and shirt. He’d gotten a tan today; not a super dark one, but noticeable nonetheless, and it stood out beautifully against his silver streaked hair. Sonny had always been an attractive man. Early on, Rafael used to call him pretty, both in his head and to his face. He used to tease about how he had such a pretty young thing as a lover, all arms and legs and sweet creamy skin. As they’d grown older together, Rafael had begun to see him differently. Oh, he was still pretty, pretty enough to attract many other men. But now he was smart, sexy, and competent as well. Sometimes Rafael wondered if Sonny knew exactly how much he was, of all he was, because he had a hard time believing that Sonny would still choose him if he did. Whereas Sonny had grown into his own, Rafael had grown...what? Wiser? Older? Heavier? More cynical?

“You gonna get dressed, or just sit there and look like you’re mourning the death of the aloe vera plant that’s all over you?” Sonny grinned and winked at him, and Rafael shook his head, then grabbed his shorts..

“Pretty boy,” he retorted, but Sonny just laughed, tossing him his shirt.

***

“It’s gorgeous out here,” Sonny commented as the adults sat around the fire. The girls were inside, watching the Trolls movie. Actually, Henry reported, Marley was watching the Trolls movie. Dinah was snoring.

“Yeah, it’s one of our favorite places,” Isaiah said quietly. The fire crackled, and they all were sipping beverages of choice. “Helps us remember why we’re here. On earth, I mean.”

“This last week...thanks for sharing this with us,” Rafael got out, leaning back against Sonny’s chest. “It was a hard one.”

Isaiah nodded. “Sonny mentioned that you and Marley might appreciate a break...I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through.”

Sonny’s hand paused in its stroking of Rafael’s forearm for just a moment, then continued, but it was enough that Rafael knew. He knew Sonny had told Isaiah everything, and he didn’t know whether he wanted to cry from relief or scream from betrayal.

Nobody needed to know about that investigation, and the more people who knew, the more likely that somebody would believe it. Last November, they’d split up because of something incredibly similar--Sonny had shared intimate information with Olivia, who in turn had shared it with someone else.

“Excuse me,” Rafael said, standing and making his way back into the condo. It was cool and pleasant inside compared with the late evening warmth and humidity of outside. He wandered back to their bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him.

“Rafi.” Sonny’s voice was quiet as he entered the room a minute later. “I think we need to talk.”

“You told him,” Rafael whispered, feeling the tears well in his eyes. “You weren’t supposed to tell anyone.”

“Do you want to know why I told him, and when?” Sonny took a seat next to Rafael on the bed. “Can you hear that right now?”

Rafael was crying. He reached up to wipe his face, and realized he was also shaking. There were things he hadn’t been honest with Sonny about, yet he got so angry when he felt Sonny violated his trust. “Tell me.”

“I called him right after I left the precinct, after Isabel’s disclosure. You were at the hospital. I heard her disclosure and I was afraid, Rafi. Not that you did anything, but that she was going to pull you into it. My bigger fear at that point was that Camila might try to pull you into it, blame you instead of Lucas. So yes, I did tell him. And in the craziness of this week, I didn’t tell you that I had told him. I wanted to keep him on retainer in case Ms. Jay didn’t do what she said she was going to do and close the case. I also wanted to be sure that if anyone tried to remove you or Marley from our home, that we had a good attorney in our corner who could work like hell to keep all of us together. I’ve lived in separate homes once before with this family, and I’m not interested in doing it again. Make sense?” His arm was around his husband’s waist.

Rafael shuddered. Separate homes was a nightmare. Sonny made more sense than his own thoughts had, this week. “Yes, it does,” he agreed slowly, trying to calm himself. “I’m sorry, Sonny. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions...I just wish you would’ve told me the truth, from the beginning.”

“I do too.” Sonny paused for a moment. “Like I wish you would’ve told me how you met Isaiah ages ago.”

“What?” Rafael turned to face Sonny, mouth open. “I...how...what…”

Sonny smiled gently. “I’ve known for ages. Isaiah asked me the first time I told him who I was married to, how you were doing. It took a little while for me to get the nerve up to ask what happened between you two, and I’m still not sure I really know, but that’s okay. I don’t need to know. It’s not my secret. But he knew you weren’t acknowledging knowing him, so I guess that’s why he’s pretended not to know you today.”

Rafael shook his head. “It’s not really a secret. More something...dumb and regretful. But we didn’t sleep together or anything.”

Sonny nodded. “I appreciate you telling me that. I have kind of worried...it’s the reason I’ve kept you two apart...they’ve invited us several times to dinner, or to their house, and I just always told them you were busy.” He caught Rafael’s hand in his. “I guess I was worried you’d see each other and rekindle something...wish you had him instead of me.”

Rafael laughed. “Oh, Sonny…” He shook his head. “And I’ve been worried you would want Isaiah instead of  _ me.” _ Seeing Sonny’s shocked face, he added, “I mean, come on...I’m older, rockin’ the dad bod, cynical, irritable…”

“You’re my husband,” Sonny reminded him. “And I wouldn’t trade these thirteen years with you for anything, dad bod or no. Plus, I happen to think this dad bod of yours is sexy as fuck. I wish you’d stop complaining about it.”

“But did you see Henry? He--”

“Spends a lot of time working on that,” Sonny finished. My husband spends his workout time taking our daughter to piano or voice classes, playing games with the family, helping to cook and clean up at home...I could go on…”

“I love you, Dominick Barba-Carisi. And I’m so fortunate to call you my very own.” Rafael gently kissed Sonny’s hand.

“Yeah,” Sonny teasingly agreed. “You are.”


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second half of the OBX vacation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple notes:
> 
> In this chapter, Rafael begins to sexually stimulate Sonny while Sonny is still asleep. For consent's sake, please know that both partners have given consent in their history for this type of play to occur.
> 
> Also, there really is a weird billboard on NC158 about Satan and a baby but I was dealing with rain and a fussy dog and didn't catch the whole thing, but the billboards down that way are always odd and interesting to me. There's always something about going to hell. I thought it was the kind of thing Marlene would notice and be curious about. Also, there's a monster truck yard. Creative license was used in having her see the billboard first, because it actually comes after the monster truck yard, haha.
> 
> The next chapter will get back into the case at hand and the wedding, and whether there even will be one.

“You feel so good against me, Rafi. Always so good.”

They were in that queen bed, the one in Isaiah’s place that he’d given them for the night. They’d confessed and cried and kissed. They’d talked more, and held hands, and Rafael Barba knew once again that he was made for only one man...the one he was married to. He closed his eyes as Sonny’s tongue stroked his own once again.

The room was cool and breezy even though it was nearly one in the morning. They’d opened the windows so they could hear the ocean beating against the sand. As Sonny’s lips moved to his neck, Rafael took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of summer.

He pressed his body more fully against Sonny’s, thinking about all that Sonny had confided in him. That they both worried they weren’t good enough for the other. “Te amo, Soleado,” he murmured into Sonny’s ear as their hands continued stroking one another.

When Sonny’s mouth slid down his length, Rafael sighed softly and ran his fingers through Sonny’s hair. He wondered if Sonny knew how much he’d always enjoyed this with him, if Sonny had any idea how much more sex had come to mean with him. So much more than just a release, he thought, watching Sonny as he bobbed back and forth. “You are so beautiful, Sonny,” he whispered, and Sonny’s eyes opened. He let Rafael’s cock slip from his lips and he smiled, then pressed a kiss to the tip. He sucked on his own fingers for a second, then traced Rafael’s hole with the tip of one.

“This okay?” Sonny whispered. “I forgot to bring any lube…”

Rafael smiled lazily and stroked Sonny’s hair. “There’s a small bottle in my shaving case, in the bathroom…”

Sonny pressed his face against Rafael’s thigh, laughing soundlessly. The vibration tickled, and Rafael shoved his wrist into his mouth so he wouldn’t cackle out loud. Quietly, Sonny stood and made his way to the ensuite, then returned a moment later with the small tube. “Interesting place to pack that,” he teased. “Thank God you didn’t get it confused with your toothpaste.”

“I am able to read labels, Dominick.” Rafael rolled his eyes good-naturedly, and Sonny thought his smile was captivating. “What?” Rafael asked, seeing Sonny smiling back.

“You’re just absolutely gorgeous, Rafi,” Sonny murmured, leaning forward to kiss one pert nipple. “I could never want anyone more than I want you.”

Rafael’s eyes met his; they gazed at one another for several slow moments as Sonny settled between his legs. Finally, Sonny uncapped the tube, squeezed a bit on his fingers, and began to warm the liquid before sliding one finger around Rafael’s rim.

“Sonny,” he gasped as quietly as he could, and Sonny leaned over to suck on Rafael’s thigh. 

He slowly worked his finger in more deeply, occasionally sucking and licking at Rafael’s sac and his perineum. Sonny watched Rafael’s expression as pleasure spread through his body. “So sexy, baby,” he whispered. “So beautiful...I’ll never get enough of you, Rafael.” 

Rafael arched his pelvis, and Sonny used his free hand to guide Rafael’s penis into his mouth. He felt Rafael rock between his hand and his mouth, heard him gasp; then Rafael tugged on Sonny’s arm. “Sonny...inside me...wanna feel you inside of me...please, baby…”

Sonny pressed kisses along Rafael’s calves as he lifted them onto his shoulders, then lined up and slowly pushed in. As he leaned forward, Rafael reached up and cupped his face. “I love you...I love you…” Rafael whispered repeatedly, and he lifted his head until Sonny could kiss him. “You feel so good, Soleado...you’re so beautiful…”

As they found their rhythm, Sonny determined to make eye contact with his lover, reaching to stroke his face, until they were lost in one another. It was hard to imagine they’d been together for so long, done this very act so many times, and yet it still felt as beautiful and loving as it ever had, Sonny realized. One of Rafael’s hands cupped his cheek, ran over his lips, and Sonny kissed it, sucking his fingers into his mouth. “You’re the only one I’ll ever love like this,” Sonny murmured, and Rafael’s thumb traced a random tear down Sonny’s cheek. “All I’ve ever wanted,” he whispered, kissing the tip of Rafael’s thumb, “all I’ll ever need. Don’t doubt that, sweetheart. Don’t ever doubt that.”

It was only moments later that they climaxed together, then gently moved into a warm embrace. When Sonny finally withdrew and left the bed to clean up, Rafael drifted off in his absence. Carefully, Sonny wiped off his husband, who woke momentarily to give him a drowsy smile. “Te amo, Soleado,” he murmured, “para siempre (forever).”

***

Rafael’s eyes slowly opened to the sound of rain pattering against their window. 

The room was cool and comfortable, and the blankets were soft and heavy. He slowly rolled over, wrapping his arms around Sonny and spreading his palm flat against Sonny’s stomach. His thumb began to trace the hair under his navel, back and forth, and Rafael breathed in Sonny’s scent. 

He thought about their conversation last night, how they both had been afraid the other didn’t find him attractive anymore. Rafael’s first instinct when Sonny had voiced his own insecurity had been to laugh. Was his husband blind? Did he not see how stunningly handsome he was? It wasn’t unusual for adults of all genders to give Sonny a second look. It was something Rafael had become accustomed to over time, and he hadn’t realized until last night that Sonny wasn’t aware of how desirable he was. They both knew that Rafael underestimated his own attractiveness, though, and for the first time, Rafael thought about how that may be affecting his marriage.

Sonny was breathing in and out slow and steady, and Rafael pressed his forehead to Sonny’s back and closed his eyes. He wondered if he gave Sonny as much admiration as he needed, both in and out of the bedroom. Rafael couldn’t remember the last time he’d complimented his husband on a case well done, or told him--outside of bed--what a great lover he was. His mouth moved up and laved over Sonny’s bare shoulder, while his hand followed the trail of coarse hair down to his husband’s bare, half hard cock. “I love you, handsome,” he whispered into Sonny’s ear as his fist tightened, and he began to slowly jerk him off.

“So stiff and thick...you’re fucking incredible.” Rafael pretended his husband was awake, hearing every word. He thought about the night before, when his legs had been thrown over Sonny’s shoulders as Sonny had penetrated him deeply and slowly. It was quiet and sweet and sexy and loving, and Sonny had kissed him silent when he came. Rafael thought about the bite on his shoulder, where Sonny had bitten him to keep from crying out when he climaxed. Rafael’s fist worked quickly now, his own cock starting to ache at the memories of last night.

But it was more than arousal; it was an ache in his chest, an ache of love and need and connection. “I’ll love you forever, Soleado,” he murmured into Sonny’s ear, and he suddenly felt Sonny’s hand reach behind him and stroke Rafael’s hair.

“Rafi,” he moaned softly, thrusting into the fist wrapped around him. Rafael kept up the pressure and speed, continuing to whisper into Sonny’s ear. As he shifted more firmly against Sonny’s body, he became aware of how loose and soft he still felt from last night, and his own eyes rolled back as he smiled.

“Come for me, baby,” Rafael whispered, and Sonny thrust once, twice more, then grunted and came.

They lay there silently for several minutes, softly kissing one another, randomly stroking the cum on Sonny’s stomach into his skin. Neither felt the need to move or to speak. There was a serenity in the quiet, something that had been missing for ages from their lives. But it was here, and it was now, and they both embraced the tranquility while they could.

***

“Watch out, Daddy! We’re gonna get you!” Marlene squealed at Sonny as she and Rafael approached him quickly. She was riding on her papi’s shoulders, splashing the water at her dad as he turned from his conversation with Isaiah.

“That’s what you think, dolly!” Sonny stretched out, scooping Marley off of Rafael’s shoulders and gently tossing her into the water. She came up spluttering and laughing.

“Papa, will you frow me wike that one day?” Dinah looked at Isaiah hopefully, and he smiled at his precious child.

“If you’re lucky, I will...unless you learn to throw me first,” he teased, then scooped her into his arms and spun her in circles.

***

“I owe you an apology.” Rafael cornered Isaiah later that evening, after dinner. They were in the kitchen, refilling drinks, while Sonny, Henry, and the kids were watching Lilo and Stitch in the den. “I’ve been pretending that I didn’t remember you. I never told Sonny that I’d met you, and then it just seemed ridiculous to tell him because I’d waited so long. It’s all silly, and I apologize, Isaiah.”

Isaiah’s brow furrowed. “We met...before?” he asked, looking confused. Just as Rafael was about to launch into an explanation, Isaiah burst into a dazzling grin. “I’m just fucking with you, Rafael. Of course I remember when we met. You’re not easily forgettable.”

Now it was Rafael’s turn to look confused. “That surprises me,” he admitted. “You’d said I wasn’t your type--”

Isaiah laughed again, but this time it sounded self-denigrating. “Well, now it’s my turn to apologize to you. I said that because I was coming out of a relationship with a guy who looked a lot like you at the time--dark hair, solid...God, he could fill out a suit in all the  _ right  _ ways…” Lost for a second in thought, Isaiah chuckled, then returned to the moment. “When you kissed me that night, all I could think was how painful this could be if it continued.” He took a long sip of his beer, then put the bottle on the counter. “So long ago. And you clearly went on to meet the man of your dreams. You have a beautiful family, Rafael.”

Rafael smiled. He did, indeed. “Your family seems pretty great, too.”

Isaiah looked wistful. “We try. I’m sure you know, it’s harder than it looks.”

Rafael nodded. “My mom always says anything worthwhile, is.”

Isaiah picked up his beer and held it out, tapping it to the side of Rafael’s. “Here’s to worthwhile.”

***

“Papi, how come you never drive? Why does Daddy always drive us?” Marlene was watching out the window as Sonny drove them back to the Norfolk airport.

“Because Daddy enjoys it more than I do,” Rafael explained, reaching over and taking Sonny’s hand in his. “Also, he’s a great driver.” He watched as Sonny’s mouth turned up into a soft smile.

“Yeah, he is. Why don’t you like to drive?”

Rafael shrugged. “It’s just not something I ever really had to do much of, and I’ve never really developed an enjoyment of it. Plus, I’m not nearly as good at it as Daddy is. He’s great at getting us where we need to go safely.”

“Do you guys think we can go back to that beach some other time? I really liked it there. It’s different than New York...why’s that sign say stuff about Satan and babies?” She pointed at a billboard they were passing, against abortion.

“You had fun, huh?” Sonny replied. “That sign is just by some people who think it’s a sin for a woman to have an abortion.”

“Oh,” Marlene said. “Do we think it’s a sin?”

Sonny paused, glancing at Rafael, who was watching him, eyebrows raised. “That’s a complicated question, honey. We--”

“Hey look!” she interrupted him. “Look at that truck! Is that a monster truck? Holy cow!”

Rafael bent his head and began to laugh. “Saved by the monster truck,” he said, poking Sonny in the side.

“Hey, it’s all in God’s time,” Sonny argued, grinning back.

They really needed to do these mini-vacays more often.


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know.” Lucia set her coffee cup down. “Rafael, you suffered so much as a child because of my choices. I know that now, and we have worked hard to build a better relationship. And I thought Mateo was not only a wonderful companion for me, but a man that you could respect...someone you would approve of and who cared about you, and maybe you could care about him one day…” She picked up the cup and took another sip. “I’m terrified I’m going to screw this up now...bring somebody into our lives who could hurt us, hurt you, hurt my precious grandbaby…” She shook her head.
> 
> *****  
> To be, or not to be, that is the question regarding the wedding, and there are a lot of differing opinions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!
> 
> Comments and kudos are so appreciated! hope you enjoy...

“It’s beautiful, Mami,” Rafael told her honestly at her final fitting. She’d asked him a couple of days before if he would be willing to accompany her and give his opinion. He had readily agreed, certain that she wanted to discuss more than just her wedding gown. But so far she hadn’t said anything out of the usual. 

The dress was a cream colored, tea length dress with short sleeves and a sweetheart neckline. Tulle filled out the skirt, and there was a cream-colored sash with rhinestones and pearls at the waist. She had a pretty birdcage-style veil in her short hair, and Rafael had to admit he’d never seen his mother look more lovely. He didn’t know a lot about wedding gowns or what was appropriate for a seventy-year old bride who’d beat cancer back twice, but he was pretty sure this was the perfect dress for his mother. 

She turned from the mirror slowly, a shy smile on her face and a flush on her cheeks he recognized as identical to the one he often got. “You think so, mijo? You think Mateo will approve?”

He grinned. “Of course he wlll, Mami! You’re going to be a beautiful bride.” He watched as her face clouded over, but she didn’t speak. Instead, she stood still as the seamstress checked all of her work, inspecting and examining several spots on the gown. 

“Well, Mrs. Barba,” the seamstress said, “do you like it? I think it fits well.”

“I love it,” Lucia told her, running her palms gently along the front of the gown, smoothing it out. She spun around once, then settled in front of the mirror again, smiling now. “This may sound silly, but I feel like a princess.”

“Not silly,” the seamstress told her. “And you look like a princess, too.”

Lucia blushed, but her smile continued to glow.

“You deserve this, Mami,” Rafael told her. “I’ve never seen you look more lovely.”

Her eyes met his in the mirror then. “Thank you, Rafael,” she said softly, then let the seamstress lead her back to the changing room.

A few minutes later, the dress was in its bag and his mother was making the final payment. “Would you like to come by for a bit, have a cup of coffee?” she asked him, and again he had the feeling there was something she wanted to talk about.

“Sure,” he agreed. “I’ll call an uber for us.” He stepped out to do that, and Lucia finished paying for her dress.

***

“You want anything to eat with that?” she asked him as he took a sip of his coffee. “I have some bundt cake. It’s good.”

“Bundt cake, huh?” he teased. “Sure, I'll have some.”

She cut a couple of slices of the cake, then placed one in front of him before joining him at the table. “So mijo,” she began, “how’s my nieta?”

He knew what she was asking. She wanted to know how all of this was affecting Marlene, if Marlene was struggling in any way because of what happened to Isabel. “She’ll be okay, Mami. You know she’s got Amy to help her process it--”

“I heard Isabel accused you of touching my nieta...Rafael, I’m sorry. I brought this into your life, introduced these people to all of you. This is my fault, mijo. I’m so very sorry.”

He shook his head. “No, no. Mami, Isabel thought that because I hug and kiss my daughter that I was also molesting her, because that’s what happened to her. She didn’t do anything wrong, Mom. She’s just a little kid who got confused. And we’re all okay. This isn’t your fault. There’s nobody to blame. It’s okay.” He patted her hand, but the doubt on her face was still clear. “You’re not rethinking the wedding, are you?”

“I don’t know.” Lucia set her coffee cup down. “Rafael, you suffered so much as a child because of my choices. I know that now, and we have worked hard to build a better relationship. And I thought Mateo was not only a wonderful companion for me, but a man that you could respect...someone you would approve of and who cared about you, and maybe you could care about him one day…” She picked up the cup and took another sip. “I’m terrified I’m going to screw this up now...bring somebody into our lives who could hurt us, hurt you, hurt my precious grandbaby…” She shook her head.

His heart ached. For years, he’d wanted even the slightest consideration from her regarding how much she’d cost him as a child. He’d wanted her to acknowledge how his pain had been so much more than just the scars on his back. And now, here she was, telling him she was ready to call off her pending marriage for him. It was something he’d both never wished for yet always wanted. He’d never once felt he was the most important person in her life. Until this moment. Until now.

“Mami,” he said quietly, “I want you to be happy. You deserve that. Mateo has never hurt anyone in this family. He’s been there for you through everything, for several years now. He loves you and respects you tremendously. Honestly, Mami, I do respect him, because he respects my mother and treats her better than any other man I’ve ever seen. Do you really want to throw that away? Because of Lucas?”

She glanced at him. “I don’t want you or Marlene to ever be hurt by anyone in his family, and this was just so close…”

“We can’t always control our families,” he replied, thinking about Miguel. He wouldn’t be surprised if his father’s ghost was sitting in the empty chair with them, right now. “I don’t think Mateo wants anyone to be hurt by Lucas either. He came down on Isabel’s side with this. He believed that little girl over his brother, and I think that says a lot.”

“It’s just...you were hurt so badly by my choices when you were a child...i don’t want to repeat that mistake with Marlene.”

Rafael smiled at her. “You aren’t,” he told her, squeezing her hand. “You won’t.”

****

“Mami thinks she should reconsider the wedding because she’s afraid Mateo’s family might hurt one of us emotionally at some point.” Rafael sunk onto the couch next to Sonny. 

“Isn’t that a given?” Sonny asked, reaching for his husband. “That’s what all people do, don’t they?”

“Of course it is. That’s what I tried to tell her.” Rafael leaned into Sonny, relaxing against his chest. “I can’t believe my mom and I are having this conversation, though. I mean, she’s really considering the impact on us. It just made me think about how much we’ve all changed in the last few years. Five years ago, I could barely have a conversation with her about my childhood, and now she’s apologizing for bringing Lucas into our family. It’s just so incredible, you know?”

“That is incredible,” Sonny agreed, stroking Rafael’s arms. “But is she really going to call off the wedding? I mean, I can see her reconsidering, but Mateo has been there for her through everything. And honestly, Rafi, they love each other so much...I mean, they just seem to belong together at this point. Surely you didn’t tell her to call it off?”

Rafael scoffed. “Of course not! I told her she needs to marry Mateo. Like you said, they love each other tremendously, you know?” He relaxed against Sonny, resting a hand on his thigh, then added, “When I was a kid, I never saw this side of my mom--the one where she’s happy and safe and comfortable and loved. Everything was always in chaos. For years, I blamed her for it and thought it was her personality or something. Now I realize it was the situation--nobody could be functional in a situation like that. Living with a dysfunctional, unpredictable alcoholic in the middle of el barrio?” He shook his head. “There’s a reason people don’t leave the projects. They can’t make it out. It swallows you whole.”

Sonny kissed Rafael’s temple. “But you and Lucia did. Both of you made it out.”

“Yeah...education got us out, but for her? Mateo helped to keep her out, Sonny. You know how she talked about quitting her school and taking care of Abuelita. She would have, too, if Mateo hadn’t been there to help her manage from Brooklyn. And then she would have been right back there.”

Sonny chuckled. “I seem to recall somebody else also encouraging her not to go back.”

“Yeah, but Mateo helped her so much. Way back then, before they were even seriously dating. He covered her at work, ran errands for her, helped get Abuelita where she needed to go...Sonny, believe me, if I had a single doubt about him, I’d say so, but I don’t. The poor guy just happens to be related to a pedophile. Otherwise, he’s been terrific for my mom.”

“Are you talking about the wedding?” Marley asked, shuffling into the den and sitting down in the recliner. She was in her pajamas, even though it was just past dinner.

“We were,” Sonny answered. “What’s up with you? Are you not feeling well?”

“I was gonna ask if Jesse could come over since school is out and all, but she says she doesn’t want to. She’s going to Noah’s.” She said the last word in a singsongy, belittling tone, and Rafael and Sonny looked at each other.

“Feeling left out, mija?” Rafael asked, patting the couch next to him.

She nodded, and moved over next to him. “Ever since she met his friend Reid, she just wants to go over to Aunt Livvy’s house and watch movies and stuff.”

“Noah’s friend Reid?” Sonny repeated, trying to read between the lines.

“Yes, Daddy! His friend Reid! He’s like fourteen or something and he and Noah hang out together and Reid is really cute. That’s what Jesse said, anyway. And I’m not old enough…” She sighed, then leaned into Rafael. 

“Old enough for what?” Sonny asked, an edge to his voice. “Marlene, what does Jesse do when she goes over there? And tell me the truth, Marlene Barba-Carisi!”

She twisted around to face him. “Probably has lots of sex and does lots of drugs, Daddy! Sheesh! You think she tells me? She and Noah think I’m just a baby!” She lowered her voice and pulled at the front of her shirt. “I look like a baby too,” she muttered.

“Don’t worry about that, honey,” Rafael told her, patting her back. “I promise you’ll have everything when it’s the right time for you. But you’re right, you’re too young to be going to hang out at Noah’s with a bunch of older kids at night. I don’t like that idea, even if Aunt Livvy is around. And I’m guessing Aunt Amanda doesn’t know Reid is there either, does she?”

Marlene looked sideways at him. “I don’t know,” she said quietly. “I don’t think so. But Papi, please don’t get her in trouble. I wasn’t tryin’ to get Jesse in trouble. She’s my best friend. And the only one who’s fun for sleepovers.”

“You know, you could invite Isabel again. I bet she’d love that.” Rafael stroked her hair, but felt her stiffen next to him.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea anymore. She’s not really my friend, she’s just a little kid i was tryin’ to be nice to ‘cause you guys asked me to. But that didn’t work out, so I’m just gonna ask Jesse to spend the night from now on.”

“But honey,” Sonny said, “Isabel is going to be your cousin in a few weeks. You’ll see her throughout the year on holidays, and at picnics and special family gatherings--”

“I thought Abby wasn’t gonna marry Mateo,” she said confusedly. “That’s what you guys said on the trip, that she was thinkin’ about not marryin’ him.”

“Abby loves Mateo very much, and he loves her tremendously. They are getting married, honey, exactly as planned.” Rafael delivered the news gently but firmly.

Marley spun around on the couch to face him. “Well, she shouldn’t! I don’t like them! I don’t like any of them and I don’t want them in my family!” she cried loudly, to the shocked look on her dads’ faces. “How can you want them, Papi? After what Isabel said about both of us? She coulda made me lose my dads! I don’t care how kind I’m s’posed to be, I HATE HER!” Her final words were screeching. “And I’m NOT gonna be in any wedding!”

They watched as she ran to her room and slammed the door. They could still hear her sobs on the other side, through the drywall. A pain hit Rafael somewhere deep in his chest.

“Well,” Sonny shrugged, “it’s a lot to expect her to forgive a kid who almost yanked her security out from under her, I guess. Does your mom have a stand-in for maid of honor?”

Rafael thought of Camila and all of her begging to have that role, and he rolled his eyes. “Not if I can help it,” he returned, then stood to go try to reason with a very angry ten-year old.


	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael has a conversation with Marlene about his mother's happiness, and whether there should be a wedding or not. Later, Camila comes by looking for advice, and he takes the opportunity to offer as much as he can. TW: discussion of past child abuse and spousal abuse; discussion of child molestation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please note the Trigger Warnings on this chapter. There isn't anything very graphic being discussed, but it is there. Please practice self-care.
> 
> One note on the technical side...my keyboard is acting up, especially with the letter I. You may see some mistakes that aren't normally there. I've edited a bunch and hope I caught most of it.
> 
> Comments and kudos, as always, are super appreciated and wonderful!

“Marlene?” Rafael gave a courtesy knock on his daughter's door, then opened it. “We need to talk, sweetie.”

She was curled up on her bed, knuffle bunny pressed against her face. “i don’t wanna talk with you right now, Papi,” she choked out, and he realized how very upset she truly was.

Rafael sat down on the edge of her bed and patted her leg. “Honey, nobody's going to separate us. We’re together...we’re a family and that isn't changing, okay?” 

“It was scary,” she whispered. “I was so scared that lady, Ms. Jay, was gonna take you away. And that’s all Isabel’s fault, Papi...I told her she was wrong, and she couldn’t go around saying that stuff...but she did anyway…” She shook her head. “I don’t want Isabel or Camila or Enzo or Rory in our family at all!”

“What about Mateo?” Rafael asked. “And what about Abby? Mateo is her best friend. He’s helped her through everything. Do you really think it’s fair that they don’t get married because Isabel made a mistake?” Marley looked away from him, staring at the wall. “You do know she made a mistake, right? She thought what she was saying was true because of what Lucas had done.”

Marley continued to stare at the wall, and he sighed.

“Marlene, when I was a little boy, you know what my papi was like. You know he was abusive, but you don’t know everything.” Her eyes moved to focus on him, and he looked directly at her. “Miguel had a problem with alcohol. He drank a lot, and was angry and violent when he was drunk, which was pretty much every day. But he wasn’t just angry with me. He was like that with Abby, too.” His heart was pounding quickly in his chest now. Few people knew what he was about to share with her. “The first time I remember him hitting me, it was because I had stepped in between him and my mother. He was beating her, and got angry because I stopped him. L was terrified.” He could still see the fear in his mother’s eyes and the fury in his father’s. “Abby was just a girl when she married him, Marley. She was barely eighteen years old, and I was born two years later. She hadn’t even graduated high school--”

“What? Why?” she asked. “Why did she marry him then? Why didn’t she finish school? Why didn’t she leave or hit him back? If some boy hit me, I’d sock him in the nuts! Especially my husband! ‘Cept I don’t think I'd have a husband that hit me, though.”

“Okay, okay Marlene,” he half chuckled, remembering a nut threat she’d made recently about any adult male who might try to molest her. “You can’t always think about hitting boys in the testicles. First of all, it’s disturbing. Second, it’s really not an appropriate way to solve your problems.”

Her brow furrowed and she looked confused. “You don’t want me to sock a guy in the nuts who’s trying to child molest me? What do you want me to do then, Papi?” Her expression changed to one of earnestness, and he was reminded of the fact that she was only ten.

He took her hands in his and squeezed them. “I want you to do whatever you have to do to get away, or to be safe. If that means you need to sock somebody’s nuts, that’s fine...but we don’t go around announcing that, okay?”

Marley nodded, then sat up next to him. “But Papi, why did Abby stay when Miguel was so mean? That just seems...weird.”

“Well, because that’s what was expected of moms back then...and nobody talked about abuse or alcoholism. Abby didn't have the money to leave, either. And she was embarrassed, l guess, and didn’t want to tell her parents how bad it was. Even once they knew, l think it was hard for her to admit her marriage was such a mess. But then my dad got sick and died, and Abby spent a long time alone. Many, many years, princesa. Abby put her energy into her school and caring for people there, as well as taking care of my abuelita. She’s never had the happiness that we have, as a happy, complete family. Not until now.”

“Or like you and Daddy,” she pondered, biting her fingernail. “Daddy loves you so much. He says so all the time. And he treats you so nice. Daddy would never hit you, would he? And he’s never mean to you, even when you guys argue. I hope one day my husband’s nice like Daddy.” She looked at him, eyes wide. “Or my wife. ‘Cept i think i don’t really wanna kiss a girl, just maybe boys. Is that okay?”

He grinned and hugged her. “Of course it is. You being you is all Daddy and l ever want. But I also want my mom to be happy. Marley, nobody has a perfect family. But Mateo has shown himself to be a wonderful person who really loves Abby. And I told her today she shouldn’t miss this chance at happiness. She deserves to be happy.”

“Yeah, l guess so.” She stayed closely snuggled to him. “You’re the best dad anyone could want, you know? I‘m so glad you’re my papi. Do l have to invite Isabel over? I’ll try to be nice to her but I just don’t trust her, Papi. She almost made me lose my dads.”

“I think that’s okay for now, honey, as long as you keep trying. That’s all l ask.” He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead. “You make me so proud to be a dad, Marley Mae. So proud to be  _ your  _ dad.”

“‘Cause l said l’d try to be nice to lsabel?” she asked.

“Because you said you’d keep trying to trust her again. That’s very brave, and it’s also immensely kind,” he told her. “Those character traits are some of the reasons I’m so proud to be your dad. You are such a very good person, and Daddy and l love you with our whole hearts.”

Marlene’s smile spread from ear to ear and her eyes sparkled with joy. “Me too,” she told him. “Hey, wanna read with me? I’m on the sixth book of Harry Potter--the half blood prince one. And Papi! Guess who the half blood prince was?”

He held up a hand. “Don’t tell me if you wanna read it together! Let me kick my shoes off.” He did just that while she grabbed the book, and a few minutes later they were snuggled together, lost in adventures at Hogwarts.

^^^^^^^

“Thank you for meeting with me.” Camila took a sip of her coffee. “Honestly, l don’t know who else to talk to. My dad has made his position clear, and so has my husband. You have experience working with people who accuse one another of things like this…” She shook her head and lapsed into silence, and Rafael could see how absolutely heartbroken she was.

“Of course, Camila,” Rafael replied. He was praying that he’d be able to help, to give her the support that she needed to support her daughter in return. “I know how hard this can be. What can l do to help?”

“Tell me there’s a way this has been misconstrued...a way that everyone has misunderstood, that lsabel made a mistake.” She was shaking, tears in her eyes, and Rafael couldn’t begin to imagine the pain she was in. “This just can’t be true, Rafael. Lucas never laid a finger on me as a child. Wouldn’t he have done that, if this were true? How could he suddenly go from being a great, standup gentleman to a pedophle? And to molest lsabel, of all children? She’s my daughter, not a stranger...and she’s, God forgive me, not the most attractive of children--”

“Camila,” he interrupted her, “you realize you just called your nine year old too unattractive to be a victim here? Do you know how that sounds?”

“‘I’m trying to be honest here, Rafael!”

“Stop,” he told her. “Just stop. You have a daughter that the rest of the world thinks is a great kd, and for some reason you are so focused on what she weighs, what she looks like, that you can’t even see her as a victim here. She was molested, Camila. She was violated in one of the worst ways a child can be violated, and you’ve come just short of calling her a liar. She’s not a liar--”

“She practically accused you of doing the same thing to Marlene. What does that tell you? It tells me she’s paranoid!” Camila hissed at him across the table, and he shook his head.

“It tells me that her reality is one where adult men do those things to children. She accused me because I'm affectionate with Marlene. Because l hug and kiss my daughter, like a lot of dads. Your daughter’s reality is that adult men who do that have no boundaries, and hug and kiss EVERYWHERE. That caused her to misread the signals between Marlene and me. Camila, I know you don’t want to believe it. Nobody would want to believe someone they love is capable of this. But honestly? My heart breaks for Isabel. I can't imagine Marlene trying to deal with something like that, and I certainly can’t imagine her dealing with a trauma like that and thinking the whole time that i believe she’s a liar.”

Camla’s frown turned into a look of sorrow. “You think i don’t love my daughter,” she whispered. “But l do, Rafael...all I've ever wanted was Isabel's happiness.” She grew quiet as her fingers nervously spun her coffee cup n circles. “My mother spent the better part of her life with us telling me how unattractive l was, how no man would ever be interested in me. From the time I was a very young girl--five or six. She was very focused on my weight. I became convinced after she left that it was because of me, because l was too fat for her to love me, to stay around. She’d practically said as much at different times. After she left, l--l don’t know how much you know about eating disorders, but l developed bulimia as a teenager, and also struggled with anorexia for a short time. I know my thinking about it is a mess, even now. I guess I thought since I love her, I was doing so much better than my mom. I just don’t ever want lsabel to be rejected because of her weight.”

‘But Camila,” he said gently, “don’t you see that the things you’re saying to her are hurting her? And not only that, but your belief that her weight will forever make her unattractive to everyone is keeping you from seeing that she’s a victim here, now? These people choose their victims based on who they can manipulate, who will keep quiet. He knew that you’d never believe her, and that made her the perfect victim, Camila. It’s not about conventional attraction. It's about who they can get away with violating.”

“So you’re saying,’ she said, pain clear in her voice, ‘that not only did this definitely happen, but it's my fault.”

“No,’ he said firmly. “I‘m saying that this happened in part because your daughter was an easier mark, and that she needs you to let go of some of these beliefs you have and to back her up. She needs that desperately, Camila. Have you talked with Captain Benson about any of this?”

“A little,” she said. “She recommended that l talk to you.” She glanced up at him. “I’m glad she did.”

He tried not to get his hopes up too much. ‘It’s a lot to take in, I know.’

“I honestly do love my daughter, more than people see, I guess...thank you for talking with me about this. I promise I’ll think about it all.” She stood and picked up her purse. 

“One more thing,” he said, walking her to the door. “Therapy has been a wonderful thing for our family, and there’s no shame in it.”

She smiled. “Thank you again, Rafael.”

“Of course.” He held the door for her as she left. He was surprised at how candid Camila had been with him, but the only thing he knew for sure was that there was quite likely just as much she hadn’t shared. But maybe she’d be able to rethink things, for lsabel’s sake. 

He certainly hoped so.


	14. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It sounds exactly like what he means,” Mateo huffed, glaring across the table. “Now listen, l appreciate all you’ve done on behalf of my granddaughter, but you are stepping over a line here. That’s my daughter you’re talking about. I raised that girl. I would know if anyone had tried to violate her--”
> 
> “Unless she didn't want you to,” Rafael replied calmly. “I used to see it all the time...victims who didn't want family members to know, so they never said a word. Even to people who loved them. Even to people they were close to. Even to people they told everything else to.” Mateo’s expression turned from anger to one of apprehension, and Rafael leaned in. “The fact that you may not have known how severe it was with her mother, or if anything happened with Lucas, is not a criticism of your parenting. It just shows how manipulative the other people in her life were.”  
> *****  
> Rafael has dinner with Lucia and Mateo. TW: discussions of child abuse, eating disorders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE NOTE TRIGGER WARNINGS! TW for discussions of child abuse (primarily sexual, emotional, and verbal), and eating disorders. Please practice self-care!
> 
> Thanks for reading! I am happy to announce that this fic should have one more chapter to it--the wedding day. If you're familiar with my writing and particularly this AU, I rarely wrap things up in nice, neat packages, because there will be another fic behind it. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are very much appreciated!

“Hey, Rafael! Glad you could make it!” Mateo greeted him at the door. “Where are Sonny and Marlene?”

“Ah, just me today,” Rafael replied, entering the apartment. “I was hoping to have time to talk with the two of you, without anyone else here.”

“Oh!” Mateo looked surprised. “Your mom’s almost got dinner ready, if you want to head to the kitchen. Lus!” he called to Lucia. “Rafael’s here!”

“Ah, Rafi!” she appeared from the kitchen. “Where's my nieta? And mi soleado?”

He smiled and embraced her. “They stayed home. I asked them to. I was hoping to speak to you and Mateo alone.”

Lucia’s face echoed that of her fiance’s. “Oh...okay. Well, come in! Dinner’s ready!”

He followed them to the table in the small dining room, taking a seat in his regular place. Mateo led them in a prayer, and then Lucia began to pass the food.

“This looks delicious, Lus,” Mateo exclaimed as he passed the stew to Rafael. “Thank you so much for your work on dinner! I appreciate it, mi amor.”

Lucia beamed. “You’re welcome, carino…I’m so glad you like it! Don’t forget the bread--you need to dip it in the stew, baby.”

“Smells amazing, Mami,” Rafael told her as he picked up his spoon. They began to eat together, and Rafael steeled himself, then jumped in. “So Camila came over the other day. She wanted to talk about Lucas and Isabel.”

“Thank God,” Lucia said, looking upward and clutching her hands together, as though praying. “Does she understand now that Isabel’s telling the truth?”

Rafael glanced at Mateo, who had laid his fork down and was listening aptly. “Well, l’m not sure. She’s struggling. She did talk quite a bit, though, particularly about her own mother and how abusive she was.”

Mateo shook his head. “Cecilia was hard on her, that’s for sure, but I'm not sure I would label that as abuse.” He took a bite of the stew, then followed with a sip of wine. “Camila always had will power issues around food...like lsabel does.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Her way of handling it was...rough, and l did speak to her about it a lot when we were together. Camila doesn’t know this, but her mother being so harsh was one of the reasons that l never tried to talk her into coming back. What does this have to do with Lucas and lsabel though? i thought she’d come by to talk about that.”

One glance at his mother and Rafael knew that she’d already heard all about Cecilia and her verbal abuse. Considering Lucia had once referred to him as a “bonito maricon” (pretty little faggot), he wasn’t surprised she didn’t react more than she did. Clearing his throat, he said, “Well, l think the abuse she suffered really formed some dysfunctional ideas about her body and her belief system about who had rights to it. And those beliefs are causing a lot of trouble in her understanding the reality of Isabel's situation. She swears Lucas never laid a finger on her, but l don’t know that she can really accurately evaluate if he was abusive or not.”

That got Mateo’s attention. “What are you saying, Rafael? That my brother may have molested my own daughter and l didn't know? Or that l knew and didn't protect her?”

Lucia immediately reached to pat Mateo’s hand. “Carino, that’s not what he means--”

“It sounds exactly like what he means,” Mateo huffed, glaring across the table. “Now listen, l appreciate all you’ve done on behalf of my granddaughter, but you are stepping over a line here. That’s my daughter you’re talking about. I raised that girl. I would know if anyone had tried to violate her--”

“Unless she didn't want you to,” Rafael replied calmly. “I used to see it all the time...victims who didn't want family members to know, so they never said a word. Even to people who loved them. Even to people they were close to. Even to people they told everything else to.” Mateo’s expression turned from anger to one of apprehension, and Rafael leaned in. “The fact that you may not have known how severe it was with her mother, or if anything happened with Lucas, is not a criticism of your parenting. It just shows how manipulative the other people in her life were.”

The table fell silent for a moment. “So what do l do? I've already banned Lucas from the wedding. I refused to help with his bail--he had to cash in his 401k to get out. Do I threaten him to make him tell me? Do l ask her?”

“Maybe we just let her know we’re here for her, carino.” Lucia hugged him gently. “And if she wants or needs to talk, we’ll listen.”

“I encouraged her to think about finding a therapist,” Rafael said, “but l don’t know how open she would be to that.”

“Not very,” Mateo said. “She was in therapy after her mother left, and it didn't go well. She and the therapist didn't get along, I think...she talked me into letting her quit.”

“Well, that was a long time ago. Maybe she’ll reconsider now. I know it's literally saved my marriage and made me a much better person.” A smile broke out across his face, thinking of his husband and daughter. “Speaking of which, is it okay if l take some of this stew home to my other, better, wiser half and our cute little demon spawn?”

His mother snorted. “Not if that’s how you refer to my nieta,” she retorted, standing from the table and carrying the bowl into the kitchen.

“Rafael,” Mateo said quietly, “I‘m sorry I was so short with you. I really do appreciate you talking with us about this. I know your mother has been worried about us getting married, and l want to do everything l can to help her see that our families will be okay coming together.” He leaned forward on the table. “I hope you know that your family matters to me, and that you trust I will never allow my brother in this house, or close to your daughter. I love Marley, and her safety means everything to me, just like Isabel's and Rory’s.”

“I believe you,” Rafael told him. “I told my mother she needs to marry you. You don’t need to ask for my support here. You already have it.”

Mateo smiled. “Gracias, hijo. Truly.”

“She had a hellacious marriage with my father, and then she spent her midlife caring for my grandparents and running the school. You know Lucia Barba does nothing halfway. She deserves the love and happiness she’s found with you, and I hope the two of you are blissfully happy together.”

“I hope so too,” Mateo nodded. “I’m sure we will be.”

“But just know that if for some reason you decide to hurt her, you’ll regret the day you ever heard the name Barba.” Rafael smiled then, and crossed his arms over his chest. “Entiendes?”

“Of course,” Mateo agreed, folding his own arms over his chest. “Your mother and I have been together now for over six years, officially. As far as I’m concerned, she’s already my life partner, which makes you my stepson. I’ve considered you part of my family for quite awhile now. All we’re doing on July sixteenth is formalizing it. And trust me, if I ever hurt your mother, I would want you to make me regret it. Agreed?” He extended his hand across the table for Rafael to shake.

Rafael reached out and shook it firmly. “Agreed.”

^^^^^^^^^^

“So what’d he say? Any idea his ex-wife was abusive?” Sonny asked, slurping up the stew Lucia had sent over. It was late in the evening, and Rafael was pulling on his sleep pants and a tee shirt.

“A little, and it was clear that he’d talked about it with my mom. To be honest, l couldn’t tell how much. He tried to write it off as the mom being harsh or whatever. I guess l just don’t get it. I mean, you have sisters. Did your mom ever get on them about how much they weighed?” He scratched his stomach, then pulled the tee shirt over his head.

“Not that l know of,” Sonny said, trying to remember. “I mean, Bella always was a little pudgy until she was about sixteen, and you know Gina, she’s super curvy. But l don’t remember my ma ever saying anything about it, other than the typical Italian shit of worrying you’re sick if you don't eat three helpings.”

Rafael climbed into bed next to Sonny. “I remember Rita talking about it when we were in school together...l don’t know if her parents harassed her about it, but she used to talk about how she’d lost jobs to prettier girls and she couldn’t afford to gain weight...that firms would skip her right over and go with somebody more attractive. At the time, l thought she was exaggerating, until the day she came back rejected from an internship that opted for April Mullins. April Mullins was tall, blonde, and probably the hottest woman in 2L that year. She also was at the bottom of our class.” He shook his head. “And the thng is, that kind of attitude feeds into a culture of sexual harassment and sexual violence. But it’s hard to say to someone, hey, you’re better off without that job when they’re watching the person they lost it to flash around her new Jimmy Choos.”

Sonny grinned. “Hey, l didn't know you were into Jimmy Choos.”

Rafael stole the bite of bread from Sonny’s bowl. “That just goes to show what you know.”

“Hey.” Sonny watched as Rafael dunked the bread into his broth and ate it. “Do you ever worry about Marlene and this stuff? I don’t think we have to worry about her weight, because she’s always been so small, but the other stuff? The establishment deciding her worth based on her bra size, or how attractive she is? The thought of it makes me a little sick, to be honest.”

“It's already deciding her worth,” Rafael told him, licking his fingers. “She’s very concerned about the size of her breasts and she’s not even eleven. She and Jesse both spend hours playing with hair and makeup because they think it somehow makes them more beautiful. I wish they both could see how damn beautiful they are just being themselves.”

“Yeah,” Sonny mused. “But I think we’ve done an okay job so far, Rafi. For the most part, I think she likes herself okay and has reasonable self-esteem.” He chuckled. “That said, she put on a full face of makeup this evening and announced it was her makeup for the wedding. I had the delightful job of shooting it down. Green eyeshadow, Raf. Apparently to match her eyes.”

Rafael chuckled now. “Sorry I missed out on that one. Did l tell you she asked about getting a weave last week? She wanted one before the wedding...she’s worried her hair is too frizzy.”

“Her hair is beautiful,” Sonny declared. “Whether it's braided or even in the little bubble pigtails you’ve done.”

Rafael shrugged. “I can understand it's hard to deal with hair that’s never straight. She asked about that too--having it professionally straightened--but I just feel like I don’t know enough about it yet to agree. Plus, that image of her at three, when Liv straightened her hair, keeps haunting me…” He visibly shuddered. “Remember that?”

“All too well,” Sonny laughed. “She really worked that drowned rat look.” He sat his bowl on the nightstand, and Rafael moved closer, snuggling in. “I'm assuming the wedding is still on? I found out today that they’ve set a date for Lucas’ trial. End of August.”

“Mmm. Mateo said he didn't help to bail him out. He had to cash in his 401k, apparently.” Rafael turned off his light, then snuggled into Sonny’s arms. 

“Well good,” Sonny said. “With any luck, he won’t need it anymore anyway. Did they say anything about Isabel? I'm just wondering how she’s doing.”

Rafael shook his head. “They didn't say. I just keep hoping that Marlene will start to feel more secure and we can have Isabel over again.”

“Hopefully so.” Sonny turned off his lamp, then snuggled in against his husband, spooning him. “So comfy like this. You can’t ever go anywhere because I won't be able to sleep comfortably without you.”

“I'll keep that in mind,” Rafael replied sarcastically, then kissed the back of Sonny’s hand. “Te amo, Soleado.”

“Love you too, Rafael. Goodnight.” 


	15. Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're cordially invited...
> 
> Lucia and Mateo's wedding day has arrived.

“Okay, hold still,” Rafael told Marlene as he adjusted the pearl and rhinestone clip in her hair. “There! What do you think?”

She examined herself in the mirror, a slow smile taking over her face. “I look beautiful today, Papi! Look at me!” She stepped away from the mirror and spun in a circle, allowing her gown to flow. “It’s so pretty! I look so good!” 

Rafael smiled at her excitement. She truly did look magazine-worthy, and that wasn’t something he usually thought about kids. The dress fit her well, and she was in a very low heel that his mother had bought her. Lucia had chosen wine and gold as her colors, so Marley’s shoes were sparkly gold, and she loved them. Lucia had also gifted her with a pair of real, small diamond earrings and a gold necklace with a tiny diamond heart as a thank you for being in the wedding. Rafael had pulled out the little gold bracelet Lucia had given him when Marlene was baptized; it had been in their family for generations. Now it was delicately clasped around his daughter’s wrist.

Lucia had wanted to spring for the weave Marlene had been asking for, but Rafael and Sonny put an end to that quickly, insisting she was still too young. Granted, her hair didn’t have the amount of volume without it that Marlene had wanted, but her dark, tight curls were beautiful anyway.

“Look at you, dolly!” Sonny entered their hotel room in his tuxedo, looking incredibly handsome himself, and she grinned at him.

“Papi helped me! And look, Daddy--” She held out her wrist. “Didja know Abby gave me this when I was just a baby? And it belonged to her mama before her, and papi’s great grandmother, all the way back for a long time!”

Sonny kissed her hand. “It’s beautiful. Are you and Papi ready to go down? It’s almost time.” Turning his attention to Rafael, he raised his eyebrows. “Hubba hubba. C’mere, I’ve got your boutonniere.” Rafael smirked and stepped forward so Sonny could attach the flower to his lapel.

Marley gave a toothy grin as she inspected her family. “We look pretty darn good, guys!” she announced. “Time to get these people married!” Rafael and Sonny looked at each other, then Rafael snorted.

“Time to get these people married,” he repeated, chuckling, as he opened the door. “Let’s go.”

***

From Sonny’s position at the front of the room, he could see everyone clearly.

The hotel the couple had chosen had done a beautiful job with minimal decorations. Sonny and Camila were the first in the room, and she was seated in the front row, ready to read the verses her father and Lucia had chosen. He had to admit she was stunning. Her dress was a slim, floor length evening gown with spaghetti straps and a sweetheart neckline. A slit extended slightly above her knee, and he was fairly certain she was wearing gold stilettos that sparkled like his daughter’s did. Her hair was in a french knot, and her wine-colored lipstick matched her dress. The room was filling quickly now, and he could see his mom and dad sitting together with Bella and Tommy a few rows back on the left. Deb waved at him, then pulled out her phone and took a picture. Sonny tried not to blush and feel like he was in middle school again.

He recognized many people from Lucia’s charter school. He’d been going to events with Rafael there for years. Even though Lucia had retired six years ago, they still took Marlene to the yearly Fall Festival there and they were still treated like royalty, even when Lucia wasn’t with them. And of course, a few of his colleagues were present; Fin and Olivia had come together, and Amanda had brought Jesse. Billie wasn’t there, and Sonny assumed she was probably with her dad, since it was a Saturday.

Mateo and Enzo entered the room, down the center aisle. Enzo had willingly stepped into the role of best man when Mateo had banned his brother from the wedding. Both men were in black tuxedos with white shirts. Enzo, like Sonny and Rafael, wore a wine-colored tie that matched the color of Marlene’s dress. Mateo’s tie, however, was a gold and wine paisley that was lovely and elegant. The two men took their places at the front of the room, facing Sonny. He nodded and smiled at them.

A few minutes later, the pianist began to play, and Sonny watched sweet Isabel head down the aisle with her gold-colored flower petal basket. The petals were wine-colored, as was Isabel’s dress. The dress had a heart cutout in the back; it had straps instead of sleeves, and the skirt was tulle and full, ending just below her knees. She wore gold shoes, and Sonny recognized them as being similar to his daughter’s, but with a flat heel. Isabel carefully dropped flower petals as she made her way down the aisle. She was biting her lip and Sonny could tell the child was nervous. As she got closer, she glanced up and met his eyes, and he smiled warmly at her until she smiled back. In that moment, Sonny felt his heart ache for the little girl. He wondered how she was doing, if she was lonely or scared or sad, and he made a mental note to personally check in on her soon. She arrived at the front of the aisle and easily moved into her place.

Rory was next, and Sonny watched the confident nine-year old make his way to the front of the room as he carried the ring pillow. He smirked the whole way, and for some reason, Sonny could imagine his husband looking very similar at that age. Rory moved into place, and then Sonny couldn’t help but smile widely as his daughter began down the aisle.

In his mind, Marlene had always been beautiful. He couldn’t guess the number of minutes he’d spent over the years staring at her face, or watching her as she moved, admiring her. Today, though, he swore he’d never seen a more beautiful child. The wine-colored dress, the slight heel, the fancy hair--they all made for a beautiful picture. She was carrying a small bouquet of roses with gold beads in the center of each. As he watched her though, his mind suddenly jumped fifteen years ahead, to her wedding day. A day when she would be wearing a gorgeous wedding gown, and his job would be to accompany her down this very aisle. And his stomach flipped. Not yet, he reminded himself, and swallowed heavily, then smiled at her again as she took her place.

He cleared his throat. “Please rise for the entrance of the bride,” he announced into the microphone, and the guests stood. The music changed, and he suddenly saw his husband and his mother-in-law across the room.

He watched as they proceeded slowly. Rafael looked proud, and Sonny couldn’t help but think about how much Rafael’s relationship with his mother had changed over the years. Even five years ago, Sonny wasn’t sure that Rafael would have been willing to do this. Now, he moved forward with his chin up, a smile on his lips, and tears in his eyes.

Lucia was glowing. He’d never seen his mother in law look so happy, and Sonny’s heart was singing for her. Her cream colored lace gown was as gorgeous as he’d seen in the photo Rafael had shared with him, and she wore a delicate gold necklace with a charm that was her mother’s. Her bouquet had been crafted from her mother’s jewelry. If ever there was a woman who deserved to find her happiness, it was Lucia Barba. He glanced at Mateo, who was dabbing his eyes with a tissue, and Sonny realized he was seeing love in action. He remembered how he felt on his own wedding day, facing Rafael and vowing to love him forever. He’d never regretted that promise, and he was more in love with Rafael today than he had been thirteen years ago. Rafael’s eyes met his then, and they each smiled at one another. Rafael and Lucia stopped at the end of the aisle, and Mateo stepped closer and took one of Lucia’s hands in his.

“You may be seated,” Sonny told the guests, and they all took a seat. “Who presents this woman to be married?” 

Rafael grinned, then said, “That would be me.” He leaned over, gently kissed her on the cheek, then took his place next to Camila. Marley winked at Rafael, and he winked back at her.

Mateo and Lucia moved to the middle of the front of the room, right in front of Sonny. Mateo took his bride's hands in his, and the two were staring into one another’s eyes lovingly.

Sonny cleared his throat once more, a broad smile appearing as he looked into the audience. “Dearly beloved…”

^^^

They were wrapped together, moving slowly. “Look at me, baby,” Sonny gasped, using one hand to push Rafael’s sweaty hair out of his face, “I need to see you.”

Rafael opened his eyes, admiring Sonny’s ice blue ones staring at him, and a high pitched whine escaped his chest. He reached up and pulled Sonny’s face down so he could kiss him soundly. “Sonny...Sonny…” he murmured, and his eyes fluttered shut again. “I love you, querido...ah, God. So good. So good for me, Sonny…”

Sonny thrust more deeply, reveling in the heat of Rafael’s body, the tightness around him. “Love you, baby,” he grunted. “Fuck, yes…” He felt Rafael’s hands stroking his body, up and down his back, then clutching his ass and pulling him deeper. Sonny leaned down again and kissed his husband deeply before reaching between them and taking Rafael’s erection in his fist. 

At the first pump, Rafael cried out, clutching Sonny’s ass tightly. “God...yes! Please, Sonny...please don’t stop, don’t stop…” A few seconds later, Sonny felt his husband's semen coating his stomach and hand.

“That’s it, guapo...so sexy...oh yeah.” As Rafael’s body started to relax from his orgasm, Sonny began to suck on his neck, thrusting quickly until he felt his belly tighten and his orgasm rip through him. “God, love you,” he gasped as he tossed his head back. When he began to return to his body, he realized Rafael was lovingly stroking his back. He allowed himself to collapse onto Rafael, and a minute later he leaned forward and kissed a nipple.

“You’re amazing,” Rafael chuckled softly as Sonny slowly teased his nipple. “I am so absolutely glad that I married you, Soleado.”

“Mmm.” Sonny kissed him deeply. “The best sex is weddng sex, I‘ve decided. Your wedding or somebody else’s, doesn’t matter.” He kissed Rafael’s nipple one more time. “Be still, I‘m gonna pull out.”

A moment later Sonny was lying next to him, and Rafael sighed at the feeling of emptiness left behind. “That’s the worst part,” he murmured. “Feeling empty, after.”

“Mmm.” Sonny kissed him, then traced his rim with one finger. “Loose?” He slowly slipped a finger inside, sliding it in and out. “Love you...love your body,” he murmured, suckng lightly on Rafael’s neck. “So did you end up having a good day as the son of the bride?”

Rafael chuckled. “It seemed to go well, don’t you think? Ah...don’t stop.” He traced random shapes on Sonny’s chest. “The happy couple seemed...happy.”

Now Sonny laughed. “You’re so verbose after sex.”

“Shut up,” Rafael teased back, laughing himself.

“Hopefully they’re having as much fun as we just did,” Sonny remarked.

“Ew...Sonny! That’s my mother!” Rafael’s face twisted into a scoff. “I don’t want to think about my mother having wedding sex...or any sex! Gross.”

“Well...it was a beautiful wedding. And the reception was fantastic too--your mom chose a great place. I could’ve eaten that seafood all night! Especially that stuffed salmon.” Sonny happily reminisced over his main course, as well as the cocktail hour treats of steamed shrimp and raw oysters. “I was surprised to see sushi during the cocktail hour though--I thought your mom didn’t like that stuff?”

“I think Camila pressured her dad about it, so he just did it to make her happy. My prime rib was excellent too, by the way. I can’t believe we had sex after eating that much...I’m lucky I could move!” Rafael stretched out. “And that cake...that cake was beautiful. I think it was prettier than ours.”

“Maybe,” Sonny considered. “Your dance with your mother was so lovely at first...and then when you two broke out into the salsa, I thought you were gonna take the house down! I didn’t realize you still could dance like that! You’ve never taught me how to dance like that.”

Rafael bit his lip, trying to keep from telling his husband that with Sonny all arms and legs, he was a little afraid of trying to teach him the salsa. “Well, we practiced quite a bit lately,” Rafael admitted. “It wasn’t as easy as it was when I was a kid in my abuelita’s kitchen!”

“Well, the difficulties didn’t show.” They held each other close, stroking one another’s skin softly and enjoying the touches. Rafael closed his eyes and relaxed into the feelings of being wanted and loved. 

“You think Marley’s having fun with Jess tonight?” Sonny asked, just as Rafael was about to round the corner into sleep.

“Sure she is. You tell Rollins about that kid Reid?”

“Mmhmm. She’d heard of him but thanked me for the info.”

“Talk about cute dances...you with Marley, and then Jesse, got all the oohs and aahs tonight.” Rafael yawned, then rolled over into his spooning position.

Sonny wrapped his arms around his husband, relaxing into him. “I was just happy to see Enzo dance with Isabel. Hopefully he’ll make more time for her.”

“Hopefully.” Enzo and Isabel were family now, along with Camila, Rory, and Mateo. And Rafael had already made up his mind to be the best brother he could be, moving forward. The best uncle, too, along with Sonny, he thought sleepily. God knows they had a lot to improve upon after Lucas…

His mind drifted back to doing the salsa with his mom, and he smiled. All in all, it had been a great day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this fic. There will definitely be more coming. I feel like some of this got left in awkward places, so it definitely needs to be connected to another fic.
> 
> Thank you very much for all your kudos, comments, encouragement, ideas, and feedback. It is all appreciated very much!


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